Thanks so much for all the sleep tips! I got great responses both by email and comment. I'm pretty sure I got all three types of mothers to respond (no cry, partial cry and comfort, and cry it out), so that was great. Believe me, I don't think anyone is "crazy" for doing what they do, because I know that you're doing what works and is best for you. I love hearing that different things work for different people! That means I have to find what works for me and go forward with confidence that my little boy will one day learn to sleep. That means, he will be ok if I nurse/don't nurse him, rock/don't rock him, let him cry/comfort endlessly etc. I've decided that the important thing is consistency so he can figure out what the heck I'm doing and adapt. Since I haven't been super consistent up to this point, I've decided I need to come up with a game plan and stick with it!
I can tell that as he's getting older, his ability to calm himself is better. This past week for naps I've been wrapping (leaving one or both hands out on the off chance he's going to need to suck on them), nursing (if he needs/wants to), rocking, and singing. Then I put him down in his crib (usually with his eyes open). The first day I did that he fussed for about 20 min., was quite for about 10 and ended up falling asleep. Now he fusses for about 5-15 min. and will fall asleep in about 20. His actual crying during naps is pretty minimal, I've had to go in and do a little more rocking once or twice. If he's just fussing, I'm trying to leave him so he can learn to fall asleep on his own. If he's all out crying more than 10-15 min. I can't stand it and I go back and do what I can to help him calm down. This is a huge improvement over what it used to be like. He usually naps about an hour at a time and gets sleepy within 1 - 1 1/2 hours of waking.
His night time routine needs a little tweaking I think. He's had a bit of trouble going down and I think we might be starting too late. I've started the night soothing around 8 PM (give or take about 20 min.). I do pretty much the same routine as for naps, and maybe that's part of the problem? We've only been giving him baths every 3 days since it's been so cold here and we're all having problems with dry skin (even after using lotion). However, he likes baths for the most part, so maybe I should incorporate it into the nightly routine when it warms up a bit.
Another potential problem is his evening nap after my piano lessons. He's usually pretty tired by the time I'm done with piano (around 5 or 5:30) so I've been putting him down for a nap. He will wake up around 6 or 6:30, but he still shows tired signs by 8. However, after reading Dr. Weissbluth's book Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child, I think we should try and forgo the 5 pm nap and try to put him down for the night by 6:30pm-7pm. Who knows? Maybe it will be the ticket to happy SleepyLand.
As for the sleeping through the night, I've decided to wait until he's 4 or 5 months before I start doing anything. I can already see improvement in his sleeping, so I won't push him too fast. He's still a little guy. At that point I think I will start completely ignoring certain wakings. If it's only been 2 hours, he shouldn't be too hungry. If it's been 4 or more, I'll go in and feed him. And then by 9 months I will do total extinction of all night feedings and endure the crying then if I need.
Lowdown on me and the methods:
Family Bed
While I know the "family bed" work for some, I just can't see it working for me. First of all, I tried nursing once or twice in bed and it just seemed EXTREMELY awkward. Couldn't get the hang of it and made a big wet mess when we both fell asleep while he was nursing. Plus we only have a queen size bed and that's a little too snug for 3. Moreover, he's a light sleeper and I think it would be our demise. And I won't mention the negative impact it would have on our intimate life! Ok, ok. So I did just mention it.
No cry method
This is where I naturally gravitate. I can't STAND to hear him crying so desperately. I start getting agitated and sometimes even angry. Angry that he's still up crying when I KNOW he's super tired. Angry that Matt's tendency is to let him cry it out for at least 30 min. Angry that I've heard it too much that day. I've tried tuning it out with music or earplugs, but that only works about 15 min. and his crying can last much longer. Constantly comforting is a little draining, but I think I'll keep going this route a little longer. At least mostly. If I've given everything I absolutely can give for a night, I'll set him down and let him cry until he falls asleep or for 30 min. until Matt feels compelled to go check on him, whichever comes first.
Cry and Comfort
This is super hard for me because to be effective, I think the key is not to pick him up during the "comfort" phase. After the 5, 10, 15, 20 or 30 min. interval you've set, go in and talk to him or pat him until he's calm and then leave again. The few times I tried this his cries became more intense and I couldn't handle it. I would go back in and pick him up and start all over again. Plus, Dr. Weissbluth said that for super fussy/colicky babies this is a slow route.
Cry and Ignore
While this may seem a little harsh, I think it will have to be the way we go when we DO decide to help him kick his night waking habit. Make sure he doesn't have a dirty diaper, stay near so he doesn't choke to death on his cries, and stick it out. I may have to recruit Matt for this given my tendency to rush in and save, but he's Dean's parent too and can sacrifice a few nights for the greater good. My sister mentioned that in Weissbluth's studies of 2000+ kids, no babies older than 9 months NEEDED food in the middle of the night. So, that is probably when we'd try that if need be.
Start as you mean to go on?
This is one of the philosophies of the Baby Whisperer, Tracy Hogg. Basically, start from day one on your preferred method so you don't have to correct bad habits you've gotten into later. While this may be good and all for a non-screamer, I don't necessarily think it's the best for super colicky babies. Plus, I don't think it's that big of a deal to break a 9- month-old's habit. True, I haven't tried it, but my sister told me that it really only takes about a week or so when they're that little.
11 comments:
Oh, and I forgot to say we've been using a box fan in his closet for white noise, but I think it might be worth it to spend the 40-50 bucks on a real white noise machine the doesn't spin the air around and make it colder.
I'm glad things are starting to work for you. You are right, though, to do what works for you guys and STICK TO IT. Paying attention to what both you and your baby need and being consistent about it, for me, is more important than anything the "experts" have to say in their books. Anyway, keep at it and before you know it things will click and you'll all be sleeping better.
Also, we give Garrett a bath every night (partly for the evening routine and partly because he loves to play in the water) and I have to say that while it may be a little time consuming, it's probably one of the best things we do for him. He loves it, and because he loves it, we love it. Bathtime makes all of us happier.
It sounds like you are really getting a handle on things. I think you are doing a lot of things well/right. I also think that you'll find if you are super consistent with naps and get into a good routine, that the sleeping through the night will come on it's own. Then you won't have to go through the cry and ignore stage. I couldn't stand that either.
You might want to skip the white noise machine. I had a friend who used one for her boy and it turned him in to a terrible sleeper. It conditioned him to needing the "perfect" surroundings or he wouldn't sleep. It got so bad that they couldn't even flush the toilet while he was asleep.
We've changed some habits with our kids and they've been fine (took away pacifiers early, quit swaddling at four months, etc). I do think it's a good idea to have a set routine though. Also, I'm a big fan of early bedtimes. It really seems to help them and it gives you time to regroup. We put our babies down around 6:30 and now our kids go to bed between 7:00 and 7:30, 8 at the latest.
Sounds like you've made a great game plane. You're totally right--most ways will work if it's the right and natural choice for you and you can be consistent.
That said, one word of warning (if you don't already know) is that vacations/holidays/sickness will throw everything off, every single time. We just go with the all bets are off, anything to get some sleep approach during those times and then plan on at least a few days of retraining once we're back to real life.
Good luck and may you find that well earned sleep that you all need!
Funny that you say that Erin. I'm doing it so we CAN do things like flush the toilet! (Meaning, he ALREADY wakes up at the sound of a pin drop, so I'm hoping the white noise will mask other sounds in our home.) I'd rather him sleep well in "perfect" conditions at home than worry about him elsewhere I guess. (Plus, the machine we got is quite portable. Battery or outlet operated. Small. So, if we were going on vacation somewhere, we cuold just take it with us.
I have three nice natural little tips for dry skin. First is Canola oil which is much like "Safflower Oil" which massage therapists use. Very cheap to just mix in a bit of lotion. Jojoba oil is also awesome. I use it for make-up removal, hair ends for seperation and moisture, or on my legs after shaving because everything else irritates them. It's kind of expensive but one tiny little bottle lasts me forever. The last thing is left over LANSINOH, the breast feeding stuff. I use it for chapped lips, burns (I know they say not to really put anything on burns but cold water, but I swear it keeps me from blistering when I get myself w/ a glue gun or hot pan), also if you have a raw runny nose it doesn't sting at all and its not nasty Vaseline PATROLEUM (Gross) Jelly. I also have been using Lansinoh on Addie's dry scalp this winter. I love that these things are edible, not that one would eat Jojoba oil or lanolin.
I basically nursed the babies whenever they woke up until they were about 9 months and then I did the cry and ignore thing. I think that is great that you are trying to put him to bed when he is awake. It will really make him into a sleeper! As for the noise I never did it, but my friend put her kids to bed with the radio static on...they both are really heavy sleepers. Amanda gave me the book "babywise" do you want it?
My experience is each kid is different w/ a different temperment. Ash was about 9 months when she slept through the night, but I loved going in and being with her before then. Olivia was over 2 years old, and I wouldn't want to repeat that one. She was my RSV baby (11 days), and was constantly sick for two years. Ugh. So with Ethan I was a sleep Nazi. Once he slept about 9 hours at a stretch several times, I figured he could do it, and I camped out in the basement for three nights while he fussed it out. (because i couldnt' stand to listen to him, and Jeff could!)He was in his 4th month, and has been a great sleeper ever since. However, he does LOVE to sleep and has never given us grief about it (unlike his sister, esp. Olivia). Eliza is 4 mo, but she still gets up at 10 pm for a feeding (unless I get to her before she wakes up) and 4:30 am. I haven't had the heart yet to make her cry it out, so will probably wait a bit. She consistently goes 7 hours or so, so I know she can do it. I think we've gotten into the "bad routine" for the 4":30 feeding. She doesn't even nurse with much vigor then, so I figure it's habit. Gotta break that one. We'll let you know how it goes. I have a friend who lets her babies cry it out nearly from day 1. I think that is cruel, and I couldn't stand it. To each their own, I guess! ;) Good luck!
Lindsay, yes I think a bath every night could be beneficial. But between the cold, dry weather and my inability to bathe him by myself (he's far too squirmy), it will have to wait a little while I think.
Foxyj and AmyJane, yes, I agree...
RandaJoy, Excellent suggestions! And btw, do you give your little one daily massages? Any tips on baby massage?
Juls, does that mean you nursed them right after they woke up? Or does it mean you pretty much nursed them for 9 months straight?
Jacqui, thanks for sharing your experiences. I love hearing from you.
Since I've been putting him down early he's been waking up at 10:30, around 12:30-1, 4:30, 6:30 and then it gets dicey. Last night was pretty horrible and he woke up at 4, 5, 6, and 7. I think 5 was because of a bad gas bubble in his tummy. 6 and 7 he had a messy diaper. But it's kind of thrown the rest of our day off in the way of sleep. He was awake enough to be awake at 7, but he seemed tired still. I put him back down at 8 for another hour and his "10am" nap was a total cry fest. After screaming at the top of his lungs the whole time I was in the shower, I finally was able to rock him to a sleepy enough state to fall asleep as I put him down.
This business is tough!
I just massage her enough to put her lotion on after a bath. If she holds still I will massage her as long as she lets me. It always helps if she has something to hold and if my hands are warm. I usually soak them in her bath 'til I take her out. She has always been really impatient w/ all the dressing/ diapering stuff though.
Also children's acidophilus works wonders for the gassiness. Breastmilk has it but I think the extra helps alot when they aren't moving or sitting up. Addie never spit up or seemed gassy after I started using it. I think it helped her immunity too. Anyway you probaby have over a quarter's worth of my 2 cents now.
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