K. people. I need help from you seasoned veterans. I am ready to have our room back and a semi-normal night's sleep. I really would love to move Dean to his room, but I'm not sure if he's ready or how I can get him to sleep through the night. Here is his background:
- He doesn't take a pacifier. For some reason he has refused a pacifier ever since we got back from California.
- Recently he's started sucking on his hand, but it doesn't seem to have real soothing power yet.
- He is a light sleeper for the most part. I think he'll benefit from sleeping in his own room so we don't inadvertently wake him.
- I've been putting him down for his day naps in his own room to get him used to that crib.
- He's gone up to 8 hours without waking at night, but that was a rare treat. The last few days he's been waking up every 2 1/2 to 3 hours to eat.
- While it may be partially my fault, he's never really learned how to put himself back to sleep consistently. He'll occasionally fuss himself back to sleep, but more often than not, he gets himself worked up passed that point. Then he's really hungry and wants to eat.
25 comments:
Well, I'm by NO means an expert in this area...but, one thing. Have you tried different types of pacifiers? We used the "soothie" kind from the hospital for a while (cuz everyone said they were the BEST...), but she didn't really like it at all and would scream when we tried to force her to enjoy it. Then, like a month later, my sister gave me a couple of different pacifiers and she LOVED the kind that the pacifier hugs their little mouth. I don't know if she liked the nipple part better or the way it "hugged" her--but it made a HUGE difference in her sleeping. She has always liked her face rubbed and something near her mouth--so I guess that type of pacifier just worked better. --If he just won't take one--I'm sorry! But--it'll be nice down the road to not have to worry about taking it away! :)
Also, I think the naps in his own room is a GREAT idea! We did that for a while as a little transition. Also, for the first while, she'd usually start out in her room for a few hours and then maybe end up in ours for a few hours--or start in ours and end in hers and eventually she just did her own room. And--once she got that down, she was doing really well at sleeping all night through. That was a lot of writing, but I don't know if it's really that helpful. Good luck!
Okay. To me, sleeping through the night, really truly sleeping through the night meant 12 hours. 7AM- 7PM. That said, it didn't happen consistently until Patrick was almost ten months old, but is still the rule at our house and for me it was a goal worth striving for.
For us, the way it shook down was this--1st off, he did take a paci, and he slept in his own room very early on. However,the paci stil had to be replaced and so, who knows if you're really even better off. After the colicky phase ended (he had a bad one) right around 3-4 months, we started a pretty regular bedtime routine (bath, bottle/nursing, book, bed) leading up to a 7 PMish bedtime. After that time, all wakings were treated as "night wakings" i.e. feeding only, no playing, no talking, minimal lights on and soothe back to sleep ASAP. The soothing back to sleep took many forms over the months from pacis to swaddling to the swing to patting his back--we kind of did what we had to to help him get calm enough that he was able to "self-soothe." I don't think kids can soothe themselves when they're totally agitated.
In the beginning his long stretches were early in the night, often from 7 PM till like 12 AM or so, and then he'd wake regularly for feedings after that. However, every so often he'd tack another hour or so on to that stretch, until eventually he was down to an occasional night feeding and then suddenly none at all. The stuff we'd read indicated that this is quite normal and even though it's frustrating to have the long sleep time be when you are normally awake, it was worth it to plan ahead and go to bed early during these months. We also made sure to get his naps on a good schedule (usually 9 AMish, 1 PMish and sometimes a short one around 4:30 during this age). We love the book "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" and the main mantra there is that "sleep begats sleep." There's a lot about baby sleep that seems counterintuitive when you're figuring out your own kid but hang in there. I'm sure you'll get a lot of great suggestions here--can't wait to read up.
We've tried 3 types of pacifiers. He took the soothie for awhile. Never the short stubby one. When he stopped taking the soothie we got one that hugged his mouth, but he'd have none of it.
Right now he usually "goes down for the night" at 8. After that I consider all wakings to be purely night feedings and back to bed. He's always been pretty good about going back to sleep right after I've fed him. Eating is enough to soothe him after he's awakened himself beyond his ability to put himself back to sleep.
He almost always wakes up around 10:30 when we come in to bed. It's 11 right now and we're still up since we were watching a movie, and he's not woken up yet. Like I said, he's a light sleeper. Who knows, maybe if he has his own room he'll wake up less frequently just from that alone.
It sounds like being in his room will probably help him out a lot. He probably won't sleep all night long (12 hours) until at least 8-9 months old. Babies, especially little ones, need to eat fairly often. However, other little awakenings he can learn to manage on his own. Little Dude had a hard time with that because he was very fussy and got in the habit of having me rock him to sleep. Then a few hours later he'd wake up in his bed and scream until I came in to rescue him and rock him back to sleep. Not fun for either of us. It's generally better to rock/comfort them until they are just sleepy (not asleep) and put them in bed so they fall asleep on their own. Some kids do this more easily than other kids. Also, some kids like pacifiers and some don't. I've known a few who just don't like them at all. S-Boogie stopped using one at about 5 months old.
As far as books go, I also really liked "The No Cry Sleep Solution". It has a lot of different ideas and you can decide which ones sound good to you. Each kid is different and needs a different approach. Honestly, for me part of the trouble was changing my expectations and realizing that most tiny babies just aren't going to sleep for twelve hours at a time. They will when they get bigger. Oh, and easing into a good daytime/naptime routine seems to help smooth things out for all of you too. Good luck.
I've been trying the "lay him in his bed while drowsy but not asleep" thing the past two weeks. Some days it works like a charm and he just fusses for awhile and then falls asleep. Some days he is very, very resistant about sleep. I do believe that sleep begets sleep. As for the "Healthy Sleep habits" book, I tried reading it and it was a bit too text bookish for me to really get into it. Maybe I was way too sleep deprived when I tried it though (it was like the 2nd or 3rd week after he was born).
Honestly, right now I just hope for him to stay asleep from 10-5. Then I at least feel somewhat like a normal person. I am just getting tired of getting up every 2 1/2 hours. But I guess that's part of the bliss of motherhood.
If you want Dean in his own room, by all means, put him there. Once we moved to New York and had a second room, Garrett slept in there. He was just shy of 2 months old at the time.
As far as getting him to sleep through the night, I think a lot of it depends on two things: his age and your approach to teaching him. Once Garrett's night wakings didn't always require that he be fed before he went back to sleep (I think this started at about 3-4 months), I would just go in, give him back is binky, tuck him in again, and leave the room. It took some time, but eventually he learned that unless it was about 5:00 am and time to eat, it was still nighttime and he was supposed to go back to sleep. Now that he is 6.5 months, he's sleeping through the night a lot better: I put him to bed about 8:30pm and he sleeps through (with occasional "I lost my binky" awakenings, which just require a quick re-tuck-in) until about 6:30 or 7:00 at which point he's ready to wake up for the day. At 6 months old, I consider this to be fantastic sleeping. This approach is still exhausting for you as the parent, but I think training a baby to sleep all night is exhausting by its very nature. You'll still get up a lot to help coax him back to sleep, but with time and persistence, he'll learn. That's the key: persistence. Even if it means an upset baby and a tired mama, you have to follow through and stick to your guns. (With of course making the necessary exceptions if he's been under the weather.)
One trick that has helped in the process of teaching Garrett is the routine we've established. Every time I put him down in his crib (whether for bed or for naps, I lie him in the same position (his side), give him his binky, tuck his Lovey in his arms, pull the blankets over him, and kiss him goodnight. If he's restless or struggles, I'll pat his back rhythmically until he's calmed down. Then I leave. For the most part he's come to realize that that routine means "sleeping time." Which isn't to say that sometimes he doesn't ever fight it. He does. But that's happening less and less often.
Anyway, good luck! I don't think there's any real miracle cure to get babies to sleep through the night...just the usual time, patience, and persistence. It'll be so worth it, though, once you've been able to reclaim a decent night's sleep for yourself. :)
You are doing a good thing by putting him down in his own room for naps. I would start putting him down for the night in his own room right away. He probably will sleep better. And remember that consistency is key.
You need to go buy the book "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" by Michael Weissbluth. The book was my salvation. Anna was always a good sleeper but whenever I was wanting to pull my hair out or thinking something was wrong, the book comforted me. The book goes through each age and tells you typical sleep patterns, how to get your child to sleep and how to solve problems. What I like best is that he does it from the approach of developing long-term successful and productive sleep habits. I seriously can not stress this book enough. It's great!
You can also try a bath before bedtime (if this isn't part of your routine already). That really helped Anna when she was having trouble.
So, I just "skimmed" the other comments before I gave you mine...sorry for the repetition of the book. And sorry that it didn't work for you. I would say you might want to try it again.
One point from the book I would suggest is to figure out which "type" Dean does better with. Type A: put to bed drowsy, Type B: rock or soothe to sleep and put to bed asleep. Anna did MUCH better with Type B. We were all a lot happier. She transitioned to put to bed drowsy at about 4 months.
Good luck...it WILL get better!
I remember reading that. I think he does better with type A. More often than not, he'd wake up when I put him in his crib if I'd rock him to sleep and it would be hard to get him back to sleep. We'd have to start all over again. He's getting a little better with the rock to drowsy thing.
Celia,
you may not want to listen to me because alot of people do not agree with how we did it. Like you I needed my sleep, I was a better Mom when I was well rested.
1. At 8 weeks we moved Lily to her own room.
2. After 4-5 nights of pure hell and screaming she finally slept through the night.
3. At 9 weeks she slept through the night 12 hours and continues to now.
4. I would pit her in there, let her cry herself to sleep. If she cried longer than 20 minutes I would go and pat her back.
5. All of my friends have told me that this was mean, but who's baby sleeps 12 hours in the end? Not theirs!
Anyhow that is my soap box, remember crying is exercise it will not hurt them, if you know they are fed and changed don't worry about it. They will learn to self soothe, and you will be a well rested Mom.
Les, in desperation at about 8 weeks(after trying rocking, walking, singing, swaddling etc. with poor results) we tried the "cry it out" thing. We did it about 3 nights I think. Each time I would bawl in the computer room and try and put headphones on to drown it out. Matt stayed with him through it. Patting his back never calmed him one iota. It was hell. He screamed for up to 3 hours one night before he fell asleep.
And now you tell me if I would have stuck with it just two or three more days he would be sleeping 12 hours now!! =)
I like hearing different approaches.
Both of my boys took a while to sleep through the night. Ben is a VERY light sleeper and will still wake up at the drop of a pin. He didn't sleep fully through the night until he was 18 months old, but then again-- he was a SUPER fussy baby and not a happy camber most of the time. We tried EVERYTHING. I remember thinking that I would be trying to soothe a teenager back to sleep at one point!
Josh started sleeping through the night at about 3 months old, but he had a pacifier and was great at soothing himself right down. When I started feeding rice cereal (at about 3 months) it really hit the spot (he was a hearty eater) and he would sleep so well with a nice and full stomach. I think that was his ticket.
Good luck, sorry I can't be too much help. Every baby is different, but I think a big help would be letting him sleep in his own room at night.
I'm trying it tonight for the first time. We'll see how he does...(and how I do!)
Last night went ok. He had a hard time going down at 8 in his room and didn't get to sleep until almost 9. He slept until midnight and had a slightly difficult time going back to bed again. Slept until about 4:30 AM. went to sleep really quickly after eating. Woke up about 6 and then again at 7:30. At 7:30 I just brought him into bed with me since Matt had already gotten up. He slept until 9AM. Nothing about that was "sleeping through the night", but it was a step to independence. It was more effort on my part since I had to get out of bed and go into his room in our cold, cold house.
When I was little I swore I'd never live in a cold house again. Growing up we had baseboard heaters (that weren't spectacular at heating) and a fire place that heated the dining room well, but not much else.
Matt keeps the thermostat at 64* during the winter so our electricity bill isn't too much. It is cold and rainy out and I AM COLD! Especially when I'm walking across the house in the middle of the night.
Addie is also a super light sleeper, cannot sleep in public (car seat, stroller or church) and never took a bottle or a pacifier and like you, we breastfed. I agree with your mean mom. I had to just let her cry ALONE. Alone is the key I think because if they see you I don't think they understand why you aren't doing something for them. If I knew she was fed, changed and tired I would sing her a song and/or read her a book, swaddle her tight and then make sure she was fully awake and tell her I love her and put her down and say "night night." She would BAWL for what seemed forever but if I really watched the clock most times she would be asleep in 20 minutes or less (this is also a great time for a shower). If not I would just go in and let her know that I was there and that I loved her and then leave again. Letting her cry is the best thing I have learned to do for her to date because sleep (for her and me) is SO important and so is a mother's sanity and happiness. As my sister Cyndee would say "Crying is just her way of BEGGING for sleep." I gave up a couple times and a week or so later I would try the "mean" approach thing again. Anyway I hope you figure it out soon so you can rest your weary eyes.
While going off in my spiel I forgot the point of your post which was to get him to STAY asleep. So here's another spiel. I would set expectations for sleep intervals according to Addie's age and how many hours would be an improvement. If she would wake up before then I would let her cry for up to 20 minutes. I think if they are breastfed and before they start solids the longest babies should go is like 6 hours? You'll have to look that up.
"On Becoming Baby Wise: Giving your infant the gift of nighttime sleep" is a book that Cyndee recommended to me when I was having serious depravation. I just had to go call her and get the name of it for you because I never read it because her tips did the trick. There are 2 books. One is for newborns and the 2nd is for older infants. I know you have had many recommendations but I know the concepts worked for us and also it's SHORT which is a bonus.
honesty, I need help with both getting to sleep and staying asleep. He does pretty well going down for naps now, but he's had a horrible go of going down for the night.
Try "the baby whisperer solves all your problems." She has some good solutions if things aren't going well. Alisa doesn't take a binky either. I got her into a bad habit of waking up at around 4 am to eat, where we'd both fall asleep and then I'd put her back down until 7 or so. It took probably 4 or 5 weeks to break this. That means that everymorning I was trying really hard to get her to take a binky. I tried bouncing her in the bouncy seat, which worked sometimes. I also let her cry it out. She was 3 months old when I started. I dream fed her at around 11pm, then decided to not feed her again until 6. Once she was ok with that, I started stretching it until 7. It breaks your heart to hear them cry (sometimes for 45 minutes!) but in the end it was totally worth it. She now sleeps from 7pm or so until 6:30am. Awesome. I kept dream feeding her (pick her up while sleeping and feeding her around 11) until this week (she's 7 1/2 months old).
When I was first reading about schedules, a lot of books said that they can go without a feeding during the night at 3-4 months. Then Dr. Weissbluth (who did a LOT of scientific studies--testing blood sugar etc.) found that some babies actually do get hungry during the night even up to 9 months old. I think the thing to do is try to figure out if it is necessity or bad habits. If they wake up every hour it is probably bad habits. If they wake up once or twice during the night, it might be actual hunger. But Dr. Weissbluth found that NO babies had scientific hunger needs after 9 months old, so that is when I do serious sleep training if needed. Also, it seems like if my babies take really good naps that they ease themselves into good nighttime sleeping habits without a lot of excessive wakings (sleeping through the night without crying it out by about 6 months). But good luck with that one.
Oh, and Dr. Weissbluth is the author of "Healthy Sleep Habits." I know it is a bit texty, but in the end I realized why and understood all sleep patterns and habits much better. I LOVE THAT BOOK!! I think that he has done by far the most scientific research and is the only one who isn't out to prove a specific method. He gives a lot of approaches for different mothering styles and babies' temperaments. I really liked that. I would definitely recommend pulling it out and giving it a try again. If you don't want to read the whole thing, just read the section on your Dean's age.
Also, it seems like most babies fall into better sleeping patterns around 4 months. Dean's not that old yet is he?
He's a little over 3 months and I checked that book out again. It's better this time. I'm not nearly so bleary eyed and exhausted as the first time I tried it.
Hah! I love that the Healthy Sleep book has such a cult following! It really is amazing once you can understand the bookish parts and just turn to the pages you need. I'm SO glad I read it before the kid came out and made me a mommy zombie. That way I knew I agreed with him and just turned to the "action plan" pages when his sleep changed.
I hope things are getting better and better. There really is quite a positive shift right around 4 months--hang in there!
Hang in there Sil you sound like you're doing great and I know you'll figure it out. I also am a fan of the Healthy Sleeping Habits Book, our babes stage starts on pg 224 and the quick summary at the end is pg 240. Hopefully that will help. The most helpful thing to me out of this book for Megan right now is to remember she should have short awake intervals. Also I've always rocked my babes to sleep and put them down and the key to that for me is having them good and wrapped tight so that when the startle reflex kicks in their arms can't fling out and wake them up. Its really helped them stay asleep too. Just to let you know that you are not alone. Megan goes down between 8 and 9 and then wakes up between 12 and 2 and then I pull her into bed and feed her while I continue sleeping and she'll wake up again between 4-5:30 and I'll switch sides of the bed with my hubby to feed her on the other side. It works for us, but I know that a lot of people are against the family bed situation too. Everyone is different and it works really well for us. I am confident that it won't be a problem in the long run because I learned a lot from my first kid and you will do the same and find your way that works for you. I'm excited to hear the results and what you like best. I have a bunch more to say, but I'm sure every other mom that's posted here could go on and on about teaching their babes to sleep, so I'm done until further questioned.
The other thing that my SIL swears by (who has screamers the first few months who are very light sleepers) is a white noise machine. It might be worth trying if he really is bad about waking too early or too often.
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