Not too long ago I was asked if I was happy with where I am in life or if I feel like I'm "waiting for the next stage." It's interesting to think about. Really, you can't just sit back and wait for the next stage, but you have to pursue it. I've been happy and I am happy, but I'm really struggling to figure out what I should move onto now that I have so many options open to me.We've been married 3 years and we really wouldn't mind moving on to having kids and such. We've been trying for almost a year to get pregnant and it just isn't happening. I don't know why yet since we haven't gotten the expensive Doctor's analysis yet. It's kind of made me panic a bit and try and figure out what I really want out of life outside having kids. Some people I know have a really strong career drive and know exactly what they want to do in that realm. I don't . I find lots of things interesting, but I've never been passionate about anything but family really.
Today at a Memorial Day picnic I was asked the somewhat dreaded question, "So what did you graduate in?" Now, it's not so much that I'm embarrassed about having my undergrad in Marriage, Family, and Human Development (MFHD), but I do hate having to answer the inevitable follow up question of, "So, what can you do with that?"
What can I do with that, I ask myself? Well, not much without a graduate degree besides mother. I kept telling myself during school that was good enough because "that's what I want to be when I grow up." I thought about obtaining a Masters and had two professors trying to talk me into it upon graduation. It just didn't feel right at the time and I had an ok job that would keep us alive until Matt graduated. Now that he's graduated I find myself wondering what is the next stage of life for me? If it's not kids, I sure as heck need to figure something out.
As we lay in bed last night I asked the question "Should I get my Masters?" The voice next to me asked, "Do you want a career or a job to fill your time?" Hmmm...good question. Part of me doesn't want to start something too long term because I know I'll want to quit if we finally end up getting pregnant. But what if I don't get pregnant for another couple of years? Do I really want to just sit around at some job that's just ok? Or even worse, just sit around home, waiting?
In school I had what I called a "mid-schooling crisis" because I feared just this. Not being able to market myself. I tried a couple classes in different majors, but none of them seemed suited for me...
And to add onto of my troubles, we have to decide whether or not we need a new car. The only real job option available to me without a car would be substitute teaching. The problem with that one is...summer. Oi. What am I to do?
I guess for now I'll see what projects I can get done around the house. I'll make myself useful here and hopefully not drive myself crazy at home alone...
10 comments:
Wow, you've got a lot to think about. Hope you reach a decision that feels good.
In the meantime I think settling into your house is an excellent project. Be sure to post some pictures!
Thanks L.S. for the support.
I have to also say that my sister is convinced that I'm going to end up with twins and have more to do than I know how to handle! Though twins don't run in either of our families that I know of, I guess you never know.
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That's right. I'm thinking of becoming a twin. What do you think?
What method of twinning are you entertaining? Cloning? It sounds like a marevlous idea to me. If you decided to clone yourself, one of you could go to work and one could stay home and write all you want.
Wait...didn't this happen on Simpsons once? Hmmm...maybe it's not so good of an idea after all..
I can relate 110% to what you are saying here. I just got my BA (finally!) and took this last year off. Now, I'm deciding to go back to school to get a credential, but yet at times, I still struggle with that choice, because I'd rather be at home, raising my kids.
Oh wait, I don't have any (yet)....
So, big time relating to what you wrote here.
Twins do run on the Steed side and the Campbell side. Though it would appear that the twin thing was not passed down. I think it would be great to have twins, two kids for the price of ONE pregnancy. What a bargin!
Interesting. I didn't know we had twin genes in the fam. Ok, so maybe there is a greater chance of multiples than I thought. Especially if I end of having to go on Clomid or something.
It would be interesting to have twins, that's for sure. Never a dull moment. As a child I wished I had a twin. As a future parent I think it would be quite hectic, especially if it's your first pregnancy...It might be necessary though, if we're going to have the 5 kids we thought we'd have.
I mean, I'm 25 right now and for health purposes (for myself and my children) it would be nice to have my child bearing years behind me by 35 or 36. That means I'd have to be popping them out really quickly or in multiples.
I may not end up having as many as I thought...
When I was inactive (many moons ago), I went and saw a psychic--well, 2 of them actually (2 different times). One of them told me I was going to have twin boys and 1 girl, and the other switched it, twin girls and 1 boy.
Granted, twins are NO where in my family--but I am GRACEFULLY (HA HA!) approaching 35 quicker than I'd really like to.....so......
At the risk of giving unsolicited advice, I would suggest reading the book "Taking Charge of Your Fertility" if you haven't already. It's very good and a good start towards figuring things out. (If I could give away my fertility at this point, I'd pass it on to you. I don't know if I'm going to be using it again.)
Anyways, I think it's good to remember too that it doesn't always have to be either/or. Most women I know have had some kind of job at some point in their lives, so definitely find what you like and will make you happy. Also, if you do get an advanced degree, it probably doesn't have to be in MFHD or counseling. You could branch out to other things like business, library science, teaching, etc. Anyways, good luck figuring out what you like to do. Life decisions are always hard to make...
Thanks Foxyj. i don't mind unsolicited advice one bit. I actually already have read that book. I kept charts and all that jazz, but it was just making me more crazy because I was thinking about it all the time. Because I knew when everything was happening and signs of the different stages, I kept tricking myself into thinking I was pregnant.
As I was jogging this morning I was thinking about my possibilities in the way of Masters degrees and I decided I just need to make a list of everything that I have some sore of interest in.
I don't have any problem with going back to school or starting some sort of career, but my main thing is I dont know how my body would react to pregnancy and I wouldn't want to be in the middle of some (mostly likely expensive) program and get pregnant and not be physically (or emotionally) able to finish or whatever. I'm sure I'll figure it out. I'll take it easy until I get too bored around here and then I'll get serious about figuring out what I should do.
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