Friday, July 24, 2009

As reality sets in

Last night I shed a few tears thinking about what will happen next week. It's hard to think of being away from Dean for more than 3 whole days. Sure I'll see him in the hospital a couple times, but that's a big change from being with him nearly every waking hour for the past 21 months. Heck, I'm tearing up just writing this. Matt thought I was being a bit over the top, but when you don't leave your kid with anyone (including your husband) for more than a couple hours every 4-5 months (I guess now once a week with nursery), you get kind of attached. And then you worry about their attachment and adjustment as well. And then to top it all off, Dean woke up sick this morning. Fever over 100*, hasn't eaten a thing. At least he's drunk some milk, gatorade, and a little soda. Once the Tylenol kicked in, he acted fairly normal, but as it wears off each time, his fever returns and he gets lethargic and cranky (for good reason). I really, really hope that he'll get over this quickly. It would be so much worse leaving a little sick boy for 3 days for others to care for him...

I'm not worried about loving Dean less or the new baby not enough or too much, but the unknown is still a bit scary. How do you divide your time when you're used to giving yourself exclusively to one little being?? Will the new guy be as fussy/colicky as Dean was? How will I get through the day when I don't get to take naps like I did when Dean was a baby? Oh, I know we'll figure it out, but I do anticipate a rocky adjustment. Hopefully I really am being over the top and it will all come more easily than I expect. But I've found that life rarely is easy than you expect.

10 comments:

Lindsay said...

I have similar fears -- how will the adjustment to two kids go? How will Garrett handle my time in the hospital (though I think I'm more worried about the logistics of his care than I am about separation anxiety)? Will my knowledge of newborn care kick into high gear in time?

But you know, because so much of this cannot realistically be in my control, I have to keep telling myself to just cool down and let go, that things will be fine. Which they will. Maybe not at first, but they will. And they will for you, too. You will do great!

Brooke said...

I had those same worries. I'm sure it's totally normal. I was the same way with never leaving Ellee with anyone--so it was really hard for me...especially since Elliott wasn't even there to leave her with. But, my parents did great! And, she didn't have as hard of a time being away from me as I thought she would. :) It is tricky to figure out how to manage 2 kids at first. But, I'm sure it'll be a smooth transition for you. The worst part? The no naps. I still get a little bitter about that. :)

Amy said...

I agree with Brooke...the no naps part is one of the hardest adjustments to having 2 kids. But, somehow you manage.

I must be a pessimist, but I've found expecting the worst and then being pleasantly surprised is better than expecting the best and being let down. Okay, not in everything, but it some things.

You'll do great!

Jodi said...

It can be difficult. The first 6 months my baby napped at different times thatn my toddler, but now they are on the same schedule and I get me time fr at least 60 minutes each day to shower, have lunch, read, whatever I need to by myself. It is also amazing how much the first grows up when you have a new baby, they can do a lot to help even at 21 months. It will work out!

Heather and Ryan said...

Two kids is hard! I'm not sure which is worse: two or four. It does take a while to get used to all of it, but as long as you have a good support system right in the beginning it should be just fine. Hopefully you have already planned to have family help out for a few weeks! After a couple months you can get both kids to be on a pretty good schedule, but until that happens you don't get a lot of sleep. (Educational TV saved me for many months after my 2nd was born!) Never turn down an offer of help, and don't be afraid to ask for help when you feel you need it! After everything gets settled, two kids is a lot of fun! Good luck!

Rubalcavas said...

Celia...your not alone in all of your fears of what will happen to your life with addition of the second child. I too wondered if I could love the second as much as the first or worried that my first would feel neglected. It takes time to adjust and find a new groove and routine. It may take time, but the key is to be flexible and everything will work out for you. Good luck with everything this week. Love ya!

Anonymous said...

I must share what my OB said when I was expecting our 2. When I told him that I was nervous having 2 he said it wouldn't be that much of adjustment. The OB father of 4 told me that it when you have a 3rd that all hell breaks loose. (And those were his exact words!)

AmyJane said...

Oh, good luck! It'll all work out...just take it one day, hour, or five minutes at a time. You're right--there's so mcuh you just can't know, or control but it will be fine. It's strange, that's for sure. It won't be anything like the first one, when you just had one baby to keep alive and you could "nap when the baby naps."
But it's well worth it, and better in many ways. Can't wait to see pictures of baby!

Juls said...

Just enjoy every minute of it, because before you know it they will not be little any more!

Amanda said...

oh good luck. two was a pretty big adjustment, but my first was done napping by the time i had my second, so i NEVER had a chance to nap unless someone offered to help. i depended on my husband more to take both kids after work to give me a little break. i would highly recommend trying to get your baby to take a bottle once a day to give you a break if possible.

also, be realistic in the fact that you will never be able to meet both kids' needs 100% since they will have needs at the same time. the good news is that after the adjustment, both seem to be less needy.

my friend (mother of 6) told me that before she has a baby she always reminds herself that everyone in the house will want to kill each other for 3 months after the baby is born, but she just counts it as her "4th trimester" and knows that when it is over it will all be so worth it. when we had baby #5 and we got over the "wanting to kill each other" stage after only 2 months, i was glad that my 4th trimester ended early. ha! (that is all said in good fun, but it's good to know that it's normal for things to be hard and that they generally get better for everyone with time.)

my other advice is to get help from everyone who offers, and if you get desperate, ask for help, even if you never have before. that is what the RS is there for. if Walt is colicky like Dean was, you might get pushed beyond your limits, but be humble and ask for help and you will be fine.

and CONGRATULATIONS!! can't wait to see the pics!