Thursday, August 23, 2007

The options

I'll get straight to my question since people don't always read windy posts in their entirety. If you are a parent, what sort of preparation (i.e. classes, books, methods) did you use, and was it truly beneficial to you? Or did you find that your experience was not quite like anything they described and/or you felt like even with all the preparation you were "winging it"? Some people swear by mid-wives, duolas, Lamaz, hypno-birthing, water birthing, low lighting, soft music, traditional doctors, epidurals, no baby monitoring, baby monitoring, etc. I'm just curious what you've done, what helped you prepare, and what you've found to be effective and why. I'm also interested in hearing from my one known male reader (and any unknown male readers) what (if anything) helped him prepare for it as well.

My thoughts on this really started after reading Lady Steed's comment on my "10 weeks left" entry. I had mentioned that I've decided not to take the birth-prep class (Lamaz) offered by the hospital for a $100/couple. Half joking, half serious I said my yoga would help me get through it. She responded that if I was going the epidural route that would probably be ok, but if I go natural, I need to really prepare.

In reality I think I'm somewhere in the middle. I don't despise modern technology nor think baby monitoring, epidurals, doctors and hospital beds are of the devil. I am not sold on "no meds. period." I am glad that my doctor tends to not more than a week overdue without an induction. I'd rather be induced than have a 12 lb. baby that's practically walking and talking by the time they're born. On the other hand, I do think there are benefits to going natural and letting gravity help the process along rather than just lying in bed. I would like to try the whole natural birthing experience without an epidural, but if in the thick of it I decide it's necessary, I'll not hesitate to request one.

I've heard some people's horror stories about birth and don't dwell on them and think, "Oh my heavens that could be me! What if..." I tend to take other's experiences with a grain of salt. Having said that, I am fully aware that I don't truly realize what it is I'm getting into (both with the actual birth and raising a child). However, I tend to be skeptical about how much classes like that could actually help. I'm sure there is good information given, but I guess I figure that in situations such as childbirth, one will end up turning more to natural instinct than text book answers or class room exercises. Maybe I'm wrong though. Also, I figure every body is different, every baby is different, every person experiences pain differently, and people tend to shape their experiences according to their perceptions.

Side note:
Take sex for example. Before getting married the book most recommended to me was "The Act of Marriage." It was a decent and well written book about sex and marriage, but I found that much of the information give was not applicable to my situation, my body, my responses, my partnership etc. Other books I read previous to getting married were the same. It's hard to take something so personal and try to generalize it and make it applicable to the masses.


So I guess that brings me back to you, dear reader. According to your experiences and perceptions, what was helpful and what was not? I really should decide shortly if Matt and I should do some outside prep. class.

12 comments:

FoxyJ said...

The main reason I really liked the childbirth prep class was the fact that my husband was informed and we were able to discuss things together. Despite the fact that he is a librarian, Mr. Fob actually doesn't read very fast and he didn't feel like reading through a bunch of books about having a baby. It's good to have both of you know what's going on. Does your hospital offer a breastfeeding class? That is also a really good one to take, because if your husband is on board and knows what to do more or less than it makes the first few weeks a lot easier. That's the main reason why I liked the classes--they helped me feel better about my birth partner's preparation for what was going to happen (it also turned out to be good because they gave us info about c-sections and we were more prepared when that became the reality for us).

My mom had four babies at home completely intervention-free. She used Lamaze breathing, but her biggest piece of advice is to just accept that at some point it will hurt. Breathing won't make the pain go away--you just have to focus on your body and "ride the pain wave". I have no idea how that works since I didn't get a chance to try it, but it worked out well for her. She recommends reading Spiritual Midwifery.

By the way, the only breastfeeding book you should buy is The Nursing Mother's Companion. If you're planning to breastfeed, buy it now and start reading it. It's easy to read and very useful.

As far as parenting, what I did is read a bunch of different books about different styles (from attachment parenting through rigid scheduling) and took notes on what I did or didn't like. Then after the baby was born I stopped reading and just used my intuition along with whatever knowledge I had from reading about kids. I'd never had much experience with babies at all before I had my first, so reading was nice to get a general idea of what to do. However, I don't feel like labeling my parenting style or doing everything exactly like one book says to do it. I do recommend buying a reference-type book like The Baby Book by Dr. Sears or the one by The American Academy of Pediatrics just so you have somewhere to turn when you don't know what kind of rash they have, how to bathe a newborn, etc.

Celia Marie (W.) B. said...

Thanks Foxyj. I'll have to see if our library has those books. Our hospital does offer a breastfeeding class ($30), though I think that's included in the $100 class if we were to sign up for it. I just got a call from someone saying they had a lot to say on this, but would prefer not to leave all that info in a comment on a public blog. So, feel free to leave anonymous comments or email me at:
silygirl269 [at] yahoo

As for parenting, since I'm a Marriage, Family, Human Dev. major, I've read tons of books on child development and parenting. I still own some. I figure by this point it's more experiential learning that I'll need.

AmyJane said...

Yeah, this is such a hotbed topic, I'm sure all your comments on this post will be LONG, so I'll try to sum up.
We took the two day weekend class. It was a nice review of stuff I knew, and GREAT for my husband. He also refuses to read tons of books about that stuff.
I think if you'd like to try a less drugged approach, a really good class would be an asset to you. As far as my experience went, being induced started the ball rolling towards my c-section. I still wonder how it would have turned out if I'd gone into labor on my own. Good luck--each birth is a totally unique set of circumstances.

Ooh, also, second the motion on The Nursing Mother's Companion. It's the best.

Juls said...

I would have loved to have the "natural" approach to birthing, but I didn't and I don't really feel guilty or cheated. You are small and Matt is big so don't rule out the whole c-section chance. That is the only reason I would say go for the epidural just because if you do have to have an emergency section you will not have to be put under. I never took a class so I don't know what I missed.

Anonymous said...

If Matt truly is like Cannon(which you have pointed out in the past), going to birthing classes isn't exactly his idea of fun. Cannon basically told me that there was no way he was going to pay money to go and PRETEND to be having the baby. I knew I was on my own as far as the preparation, which made a big difference as far as the method of pain management I chose. You can rent Lamaze videos from blockbuster, which he might be more open to. But to be honest, I think that Bradley method and hypno birthing have moved way ahead of Lamaze in popularity these days.

I always read the Bradley method book before having a baby, and it seems to really help. I think that it is (ironically) called husband coached childbirth or something like that. It's about teaching your body to relax during the pain like a mother cat does. HAHA! It is also based on your husband whispering peaceful and romantic things in your ear during contractions---ummm, that part never happened. but i'm not the type that likes that kind of stuff anyway. The relaxation method always really helped until my water broke and the labor pains went from moderate to severe. then i was willing to do anything (have an epidural) to get rid of the pain. if you aren't COMPLETELY set against one, I can guarantee that you will get one. personally i have loved epidurals. two worked great, and the other two babies came within ten minutes of having the epidural, and i definitely liked the more pain-free ones. the births seemed more peaceful and i was less mad at the babies for causing me so much pain.

sarah (hollywoodflakes) did the natural hypnobirth method and really swore by it afterwards. it takes a lot of preparation, which you can do by listening to CDs. She said it was great for the first baby since you have so much time beforehand to prepare, and you are thinking about it so much anyway.

good luck.

Celia Marie (W.) B. said...

Yep. Sounds about right Amanda. He said he doesn't particularly want to go to the class (especially since the only one left available to us is broken up into 3 sections. He'd have to give up 3 Thursday evenings), but that if I REALLY wanted him to he would. Since I've been on the fence about the class, I think we're leaning towards not going. Anyone know of any good pamphlets for expectant dads?

As for the whispering sweet nothings...yeah, I don't think that would help me a whole lot.

That's interesting about being mad at your kids for causing you pain. I could see that...

Oh, and I bought the breastfeeding book at Half Price Books today for $5. I'll have to start reading it tonight.

Sarah said...

I swear by hypbirthing. I've done it with my two births and they were both really positive experiences. You basically teach yourself to focus on good things/happy thoughts while the contractions happen so you don't bother with the pain. The theory is that your brain can't have both pleasure and pain at the same time. You have to really practice getting deep into your "happy moments" though and with my first baby I spent 45 minutes every day for over a month listening to tapes and practicing. With my second baby I didn't have to re-train since I use hypnosis for all kinds of things now when I need to relax (falling asleep, calming down, random pains).

This is the program I used. I highly recommend it.

But if you don't have this training and are still planning on going natural the main thing is to conquer your fears, whatever they are, about childbirth. Fear will stiffen your body and make labor MUCH harder. If you are paralyzed with fear about every contraction coming then labor will be excruciating. Just let your body do the work and try and trust it without fear. Easier said than done, but I think it's the key to having a successful unmedicated birth.

Erin said...

When thinking of labor and delivery, I wasn't an epidural fan. However, I was a fan of calm and control. I decided to go ahead and get it after seeing MANY videos of births. Some were natural and some medicated. The natural involved a lot of screaming, moaning, rocking and all sorts of craziness. The medicated ones were very calm and QUIET. That is exactly how my birth experience was. In the midst of pushing, I even commented to the staff how calm and peaceful it was. Just remember that NO TWO births are alike. Your birth experience is just that, YOURS.

As for the class, I wouldn't have traded that experience for anything. If Matt is like Spencer i.e. clueless, it is the best $100 you could ever spend.

Sposita said...

i also vote for hypnobirthing. it was great, but it does take preparation, and if your husband isn't into helping you prepare, you might want other options. i think it was really good for us to prepare ourselves for what our options were once labor started, so we weren't scared and felt in control of the situation (well, somewhat).

Th. said...

.

Somehow I had skipped the sentence where you said you really wanted to hear from me. But fortunately, I read this one again!

I'm big into Hypnobirthing, even though it's never quite worked out just so for us. The thing you need to ask Matt is if a) he'll do it, and b) if he'll keep doing it, even when it makes him look dumb in front of medical professionals.

As for books, the only one I'll recommend is for Matt: (book).

It's not helpful, but it's funny. Which might be helpful. Anyway, it'll give him something to read while you're reading Spiritual Midwifery.

(I remember hiding my copy from Lady Steed while she was pregnant the first time, but I don't quite remember my motivation...so maybe you shouldn't tell yourself if you decided to get it for him.)

Celia Marie (W.) B. said...

Thanks Th. and everyone else that commented (by blog, phone, or email). I appreciate you all!

Lindsay said...

I think there's really only so much you can do to prepare. You can read all you want, takes a thousand classes, talk to other people, but in the end you just end up doing it, and you do it in your own unique way. Yes, the reading, the classes, the conversations...they certainly help. They helped build my confidence in the whole process anyway. But I was also an in-the-middle sort of person about the whole thing. If natural happened, it happened, but I wasn't against an epidural. In the end, things just happened so quickly for me that the literature, while not a total waste, also wasn't totally necessary. It's like a friend of mine once told me -- if 13 year old girls can do it, you can do it. I think it's just most important to take things one step at a time and have plenty of room for flexibility.