Acceptance: svithe time

First off, I wanted to direct you to Th.'s svithe today since I found it quite good. Quite good indeed. I used to bear my testimony all the time growing up. It has petered off considerably and I quite regret that. One reason I love, love, loved teaching in Relief Society was because it made me think and really study the subject I was teaching and reinforce my testimony. For some reason I didn't feel the same way when teaching primary.

Background Info:

• Although I was still in High School and although I loved the girls and leaders in Young Women's, I promptly "joined" Relief Society when I turned 18.
• I have absolutely LOVED Relief Society the last 8 years.
  
• I was called into the Primary as a teacher and pianist for the past year. It was ok.
• Our wards were rearranged about a month ago and it was quite pleasing to be back in Relief Society and adult Sunday School.
  

A new ward brings new callings.
While I've had some callings I've been less than thrilled about, I've never cried over a calling extended to me. Until today.

Transferring into a new ward made me very hopeful that I would have a change from Primary. Now, it's not that I hated teaching Primary, I just desperately missed Relief Society and Sunday School.

I soon came to find out that this ward is in dire need of musical people. Before I moved in there were only 2 women who played the piano, and one of them had a Stake Calling (as well as being the ward chorister) so she isn't able to help out in Relief Society much.

Guessing the possible callings doesn't always pan out
When I was introducing myself at Enrichment the first week in the ward, I threw out "and I teach piano lessons" thinking, hey, free advertisement, right? The R.S. and Primary Presidents both oohed and were quick to take note of my musical skills. The next Sunday I was asked to "sub" in R.S. since they don't have a piano player called. I didn't mind one bit. I found out later that they actually haven't had anyone fill that capacity (as a calling) in over a year. She said, "every time someone new comes in that can play, the Primary is quick to take them." Knowing that there were already music people established in Primary, I was very hopeful that I would obtain the R.S. pianist calling. I did not mind one bit, just so long as I could stay in Relief Society.

This week I got that "Sunday morning call" asking me to come in a little early so they could extend a possible calling. I still thought a music calling was very likely, however, I was not prepared for what he extended.

"The Young Women's Presidency is in the process of being rearranged," yes! I thought. I can handle Young Women's...at least it's not Primary. "and we ended up taking the Primary chorister to be one of the new counselors." No...not Primary....ahhhhhh!!!! "So we want to extend the Primary chorister calling to you." I found myself responding, "Ok. Sure. That should be fine. That's where I'm needed." Primary...primary...great.

Then he proceeded to tell me how much he wished he could be in primary, blah, blah blah. I shook his hand and left.

Acceptance does not always mean acceptance.
We sat down and waited for church to start. And then the water works started. I tried to go collect myself in the restroom. I know it's fast Sunday, but testimony meeting hadn't even started yet, so it looked a bit odd for me to be sitting there before church crying. Just as I thought I pulled myself together I left the restroom and had to pass by another ward's primary just as they were singing. It made me start crying all over again.

So I went back to my seat and fanned myself and tried to stop the tears. I cried off and on all through the rest of the meeting. I was peachy enough during Sunday School and Relief Society. But as I was leaving, the R.S. secretary stopped me and asked if I was ok since she'd seen me crying in Sacrament meeting. And I started blubbering and bawling again. "I just can't get over being put back in Primary. I wanted to be in Relief Society so much!"

Matt was being set apart for his calling (Elder Quorum Presidency's second counselor) and had some meetings, so I was just standing there in the hall waiting for that to be over. People kept giving me strange looks and I got a couple of, "are you ok?s". I had just about composed myself again when the R.S. Pres. asked me that question, and there I went again. Crying all over the place. I felt like a blubbering idiot and just hoped that people would just attribute it to my pregnancy hormones. I was still crying off and on about an hour after we got home.

I'm done crying, now, I think. I still have to figure out how to accept the calling in my heart and mind though.

Quasi-Epilogue
That nice R.S. counselor came over tonight with a plate of cookies and her husband. They visited with me for a very pleasant 45 min. (Matt was at an EQ meeting already.) It was very welcomed. Just another reason I love the Relief Society.