My arch enemy

I would have to say that my nemesis, the bane of my existence, the rock in my shoe has got to be my extreme interpersonal guilt mechanism. Interestingly enough I generally don't feel guilty about some things that I know would mortify others. Things such as belching, not shaving, eating a lusciously rich desert if I feel so inclined, being very blunt with someone I know well, leaving the door open when I use the restroom (only at home when no visitors are here...Don't worry, you're safe if you come and visit. I'm not THAT bad!), or talking very openly about most every subject under the sun (yes including sex and periods and the like) with anyone who wants to chat.

No, those do not bother my conscience.

However, that does not mean I am guilt free. Quite the contrary actually. My over active guilt mechanism lays it on thick--like buttercream frosting that's been sitting in the fridge--with other seemingly silly things. I hate, hate, hate feeling like I'm letting someone down. I hate knowing that something I've said or done will have a negative impact on someone's life. Maybe I'm too ego-centric, thinking that others' happiness somehow depends upon me. yes. I'm sure that's partly it.

Just this week I've had a number of ridiculous yet guilt thronged incidents.

1. Knowing an employee was going to get fired without forewarning. I know I'm not the one responsible, yet I feel like I'm somehow a co-conspirator in wrecking someone's life just by knowing this little detail.
2. Spilling Matt's nachos all over the place tonight. "Well, they're ruined" he said. I threw my sandal against the wall in feigned anger/frustration in order to mask the onset of that stinking guilt.
   
3. Telling my boss I'm looking for other jobs since this one's not enough to help us save any money. (But on the other hand it felt GREAT to take the keyboarding test today for a secretarial job and smoking it with my best recorded time ever, 68 wpm. A full 23 wpm higher than one job requirement and 33 higher than another. But lets see if it even gets me anywhere.)
   
4. Knowing I haven't written a blog in almost a week, but feeling guilty because I can't think of anything interesting.
5. Realizing I'm a couple months behind in getting out some wedding packages to two sets of friends.
   

While writing these I think, "well that's not that big of a deal." But between you and me I've had my guilt flogging and I'm getting sick of it. It's time for revolution. Who's with me?