The class I enjoyed the most was from the continuing courtship class by Dr. Ogletree. Now, Matt and I are very terrible at this. We are great friends and make a great team in our separateness (divide and conquer is kind of our standard), but we are not very good about doing things together. Not that we don't like to, but it just seems like 5 kids and other life responsibilities kind of get in the way of courtship, ya know? we've never been much for PDA, and dating seems to require babysitters and planning, so it seems like we just end up watching movies at home on a good weekend, and doing separate activities in separate rooms the rest of the time.
I am determined to work on that.
Here are the notes I took of his class:
Marital Entropy. Marriage can erode and get rusty over time. Other things get in the way (work, church, kids, etc)
Apathy, taking each other for granted.
Have to find a way to freshen it up. Don't just become joint occupants in the home. We would do well to reevaluate, renew courtship, express affection, acknowledge kindness, increase consideration so marriage can become beautiful, sweet and growing, (Spencer w. Kimball, marriage and divorce, 1976)
Isaac and Rebecca
Gen 26
Isaac was sporting with (touching, laughing, caressing, jesting, playing) REBEKAH. They could tell they weren't brother and sister by how they were treating each other.
If you were accused of being married, is there any evidence to convict you? Kids should be able to see that you love each other, that you want to be together. We want the community and others to know we truly do love each other.
“We just don't have the time”
- Couples who spend leisure time together tend to be happier together
- High levels of couple time together, less likely to divorce
- “If you want something to last forever, you treat it differently.” f Burton Howard.
- “Happiest marriage both husband and wife treat the relationship as a pearl beyond price.” Whitney Clayton April 2013
- If you say your priority is family and marriage but you never spend time together, you are lying.
Those who have good and successful marriages work at it. It can be FUN.
When you have a successful marriage, you will become a better parent. If our marriage is in trouble, our family is in trouble.
Nothing but God himself should take priority over your spouse. Not work, recreation, hobbies,...what does it mean to cleave to her? It means to stay close, be loyal and faithful, etc.
Elder Holland said about priorities
- Spiritual and physical self
- Our spouse
- Child
- Church calling
- Professional life
- Civic responsibilities
If you want things to get better, you have to set your priorities straight.
Interventions
If marriage is a prime relationship it deserves prime time.
- If you want a healthy garden, you water it, pull weeds, give it sun, etc.
- What can you do to water and nurture your marriage
You must express your love EVERY day
- Romantic love is the dominating influence of life. Highest degree of exaltation is unattainable without this kind of love. Boyd k Packard
How do you express your love? Speak your spouse's love language
- Mormon message by elder Scott
- Had two people up speaking different language. They didn't understand each other and couldn't connect.
Babysitters are cheaper than divorces
Regular dating:
Keep your courtship alive
Regular weekly time alone together
Commit, plan, and schedule
If you are in a rut do something exciting or different.
- Go for a walk, go to a park,
One night a week for a few hours remind yourself why you love each other.
Make it pleasant, fun, and something you can look forward to.
Homework:
- go home and kiss so passionately in front of kids that it will gross them out.
- Come up with a departing or greeting ritual that will strengthen your bond together.
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