9 or 10 years ago I first learned about diastasis recti (split abs) when I mentioned that my belly button used to be an in-y but after having 2 babies it was now an out-y. Someone suggested that might be a sign of diastasis recti. I checked, and sure enough, I had a sizable gap in my abs. After I had Edward, my third baby, I could fit 6 fingers in the hollow between my abs. With tons of specific and tedious work, and splinting for nearly a year, I got it to close to a 2 finger gap. Not quite the same as before, but good enough.
Well, after 2 more babies - 5 babies total, even after splinting, exercising, and specific tedious ab programs (I've tried 3 programs claiming to fix diastasis recti without surgery), my abs have a 3 finger gap and other issues. I've done about as much as I think anyone could do to fix it myself. It wasn't till last year that I discovered that I actually have an umbilical hernia as well (which is why my belly button never went back in) which is partially why I don't think I can close it on my own. As I've gotten leaner, fitter, and stronger, my belly has become more apparent and appears more bulgy when I'm not flexing, arching my back slightly, or sucking in.
After 3 years of thinking about it, last year I went through a looooooong year of soul searching, praying, talking to doctors, talking to friends who had done the same thing etc. trying to decide if it was a big enough deal to me to go ahead with plastic surgery to fix the hernia and repair my abs as well as have a breast augmentation (I mean, if I'm already under the knife, why not consider restoring those babies as well - I gave my body and my boobs to my babies for 10 wonderful years and now I'm ready for it all back). I listened to self love bloggers and therapists who promote acceptance of the new mom bod, it's natural, it's right, it's good, it's its own form of beautiful. And I agree. And yet, I couldn't put it behind me. So I kept talking, researching, and I wanted to be really sure that this was being done out of self love and not self hate. Because if I was doing it out of self-loathing or body hate, no amount of plastic surgery could cure that or fill that void.
I'm not doing this because I hate myself or my body. I'm not trying to be perfect, or even more beautiful. (Though, I've thought about this a lot- we do a lot of things to feel and look more beautiful. We get braces, have eye surgery so we don't have to worry about glasses, we buy nice clothes, we whiten our teeth, we wear makeup, we have hair stylists, get manicures, facials, etc) I came to the conclusion that I don't have to hate my body to want change. I quite love my body and lovingly want to restore some of what I can't restore on my own.
I was actually scheduled in December of last year and paid in full, but I woke up sick the morning of surgery. I couldn't put off my classes, so I decided to reschedule after my LPM semester was over. And last Thursday was my last recital for the season! So with that long winded tale, I'm back to surgery week, provided that nothing goes wrong with my health like last time. Fixing the hernia, sewing my abs back up, a mini tummy tuck, and breast augmentation. Thursday is the day. Ready or not, here I come.
