I am a child of God

A couple weeks ago Walt was in his room with the ukelele and started singing his favorite church song, I am a Child of God.  Of course when I pull out the camera he stops and has to be coaxed into singing it.  It was cute nonetheless.

Last night I went to the General Relief Society Broadcast.  It was an amazing conference for the women of our church. The first three talks were good, but I have to admit that it was the last talk that really hit home for me.

Here are my notes from it:
President Dieter F. Uchtdorf began talking of the tiny blue flowers called forgetmenots and then created a metaphor for its 5 petals.

1. Forget not to be patient with your self.

• God is fully aware that we aren't perfect.
• He is also aware that those we think are perfect are not
• Don't compare your weaknesses to others' strengths
• Eventually we will all be able to turn our weaknesses into strengths with Christ's help. It's okay that we're not there yet. Stop punishing yourself.
• Be thankful for small successes in the home.

2. Forget not the difference between foolish sacrifice and worthy sacrifice.

• Am I committing my time and energy to those things that matter most?
• It might be good to sacrifice a little sleep to read and study for a class you are going to teach in church.
• It might not be good to sacrifice your sleep to stitch the theme of your lesson onto a potholder for every woman in your class.

3. Forget not to be happy now.

• Are we too worried to find a golden ticket instead of enjoying the candy bar?
• Don't put your happiness on hold while you are waiting for something else (perfect marriage, perfect kids, bigger house, less debt, etc.) to appear.
• The Golden ticket may never appear.
• If we spend our days waiting for roses, we may miss the wonders of the tiny forgetmenots.
• Don't close your eyes and hearts to each day's everyday-moment-wonders.

4. Forget not the why of the gospel.

• The gospel is not just a long list of tasks we must somehow fit into our already busy schedules.
• The gospel of Christ is not an obligation, it is a pathway. It's a light that illuminates the road before us.
• The gospel ceases to become a burden and becomes a light.
• What and how mark the way, but the why sanctifies our actions.

5. Forget not that the Lord loves you.

• YOU are not forgotten.  You are NOT forgotten.
• No matter how dark it may seem or how insignificant you feel, God, the King of infinite space and time is your Father and has not forgotten you.  God loves you even though you make mistakes. Allow His divine love in your life.

Every bit of his talk resonated with me and I felt (as many other people have expressed as well) that it was exactly what I needed to hear at this point in my life and motherhood. I can't wait till it comes out in frint so I can read it again.

Yes. I am a child of God, the King of infinite space and time. And I know that he loves me.

The relationship of Grace and Works

I gave a talk today in church on the relationship of grace and works. I had been working on it the last two weeks, then on Friday I was told there was a mix up and they wouldn't need me this week. Then last night at 10 I got a call from our Bishop asking if I could still give my talk because one of the other talks fell through. I was glad I had 3/4 of the talk written! I finished it up this morning before church. I absolutely love speaking in church because it gives so much more meaning and direction to my scripture study. It's also nice preparing something for adult "consumption" since I've been in the nursery so long. It was definitely the talk I've had the most people request I email to them.  I've tried to copy and paste word docs to blogger and it always gets messed up, so I turned it into a google doc that you can read if you want to click here.

Apostle of the Lord

Today we had a special Stake Conference presided over by Elder Dallin H. Oaks. He was here for an area  leadership training and apparently our stake hasn't had an Apostle visit since 1973 or something, so we were "the winner".  It was really wonderful.

We got there at 8:30 and the meeting started at 9.  Walter was dawdling in the hall and Matt had gone in to get a seat ahead of us. By the time I got there, Matt said he'd had the opportunity to shake Elder Oaks hand. DRAT! How could I have missed such an opportunity because my child was...being a child???!  I was pretty disappointed until Matt said, "Hey, he's going up the other side of the building greeting people." So the boys and I went and sat at the opposite side of the cultural hall and "waited our turn" to meet Elder Oaks. By the time he got to us, Walter was laying all over me and Dean had turned my hand into a pillow, so I kind of had to wrestle my hand away to actually shake his! He said, "Sometimes it's hard to get a hand when you have such a handful." and then smiled an understanding smile. I stood Walter up on my lap knowing full well that he'd not remember the encounter, but wanting him to meet an Apostle of the Lord nonetheless. He patted him on the head and said, "Hello darling."  He was kind and genuine and I felt blessed to have the chance to meet him, even briefly.

I understand he is only a man, but my heart was touched to quiet tears as I watched him go through out the congregation, trying his very best to reach each person personally, to shake everyone's hand and let them know that they were loved.  I felt as though he was doing exactly what the Lord would be doing were he the visitor of our conference. Truly, in his word and action, he is a special witness of Jesus Christ.

He spoke on Priesthood authority in the home. It was somewhat difficult to hear all of his message because 2 little boys were so restless from sitting in the same place for 2 hours, however, I caught a lot more than I had anticipated. The most memorable part of his talk for me was when he spoke of his own family dynamics of having 5 children in his twenties and then a sixth child in their 40s. He said for his first 5 he mainly gave father's blessings at "big events" like when his kids went off to college, got married, etc.  But something he learned in the 13 year gap between his youngest and second youngest was that father's blessings were also for every day challenges as well. When a child is having a hard time in a specific class or with friends, etc. that we should teach them to seek after a father's blessing for comfort and direction. He said that by the time his youngest was grown, he realized he'd given the youngest more father's blessings that the other five combined.  Matt and I have always had a different view on how often one should give father's blessings, so I felt like this was good and applicable instruction for us.

I know that Christ lives and I know that there are living Prophets and Apostles on the earth today. I know that I shook the hand of a special witness of the Lord today, and I am grateful to have had that opportunity.

Adam and Eve according to Dean

Every week after church I ask Dean what they talked about in class and his reply is always the same, "Dean don't know."  In a similar vein, he never wants to tell Matt what they did at preschool, "It's a secret. Dean don't want to tell dad." I told him that we were talking about obeying parents in nursery today, and he said they talked about being obedient too. That was as much as I could get out of him.

So, I thought it was kind of funny today when his primary teacher posted a msg on my facebook wall. She said they were talking about Adam and Eve today in class. "Dean understands the docrine of the fall perfectly...'if you don't obey your parents, you lose your priledges...and that's why they had to leave the garden...'  We had a discussion on that, because the other kids understood after he said that..."

I'm glad he's participating and listening and learning, even if he rarely wants to discuss it with me. After I got that, I started asking him questions about Adam and Eve, and he answered most of my questions. As for disobedience and losing privileges, yes, Dean does understand that concept very well by personal experience, poor guy. I think he's wired to push the limits.

Parenting 505: Life with Bedlamites

To do lists vs. To be list.  "As a parent, when can I check my child off my list as 'done'? We are never done being good parents, and one of the most important things we can teach our children is how to be more like the Savior.  When children misbehave, we often misdirect our discipline on what they did, but the do is only a symptom of an unseen motive in their heart. What attributes if understood by the child would correct this behavior? How do parents teach these attributes to our children?"

[paraphrasing and thoughts] Discipline should not be done in anger, but meekness and love. It is teaching, not just punishing. They learn of consequences connected to behavior, but they also need to learn doctrine of the spirit so they can become better people, not just act better when we are around. The sword only focuses on behavior, or the do, not on the be.

Those with meek and gentle children are enrolled in parenting 101. Those with children who push the limits of our patience are enrolled in parenting 505. "Consider the more challenging child as a blessing. Could it be possible that you need this child as much as he needs you? Be careful to not say things that imply that their behavior is who they are. They are God's children. That is their eternal identity and potential. Bad behavior is an act, not identity." Elder Lynn G. Robins, April 2011 General Conference (Watch it, it's super great!!)

This was probably the most poignant talk out of the 10 hours of  "church instruction" for me this General Conference. There were tons of wonderful talks, but this was the one that seemed written for me. He spoke of being vs. doing and how we need to have both aligned together or we are hypocrites if we outwardly do but aren't inwardly converted or self-deceived if we think we have faith but our actions are not in line with the Lord's will. Such a fantastic talk. I need to read/watch it 5 more times now. Every sentence had a little nugget of wisdom I could ponder on.

The terrible threes are in full swing at our house. Dean has been acting out physically quite a bit at home, preschool, and church. I have witnessed him hitting, kicking, body bumping, stealing other kids' things out of their hands, and pulling hair.  I have been told of him throwing things at other children (including a brick!), as well as the afore mentioned things. I have been called to pick him up early from preschool, and he's been taken out of Sunbeams and brought to me because of bully behavior. It's easy to start thinking of him as "the bad child" (and Walter as the "good child") or "the bully."  But really, I'm doing him a disservice to follow that thought since his behavior is just an act, not necessarily who he is.

Today at the grocery store, he wanted a gift card while we were returning an item. I said no, and he started throwing a whiney fit and then hit me. Yes. He hit me, and the cashier gasped. He lost his computer, tv, and wii privileges for the day. But that obviously wasn't the key to stopping his behavior. When we came home, he continued kicking Walt and even went so far as to hit Walter on the head with a cooking pot.  What am I to do???  On bad days every interaction that doesn't go exactly as he thinks it should results in a major flailing melt down. On good days those melt downs are limited to maybe 4 or 5.  It definitely tries my patience.

So I re-watched this talk from conference yesterday, and there are so many helpful truths in this talk. While I do try to teach him to recognize how his actions affect others, a lot of our discipline in our house focuses on behavior, and truth be told, a lot of it is done with an angry, frustrated voice. Bullying is something I despise, and I can't stand watching him hurt other kids. Yet, disciplining in anger is just another form of bullying to try and get him to behave better. Parenting is definitely the hardest endeavor I have ever undertaken, but I need to learn and re-learn, and remind myself daily that this is the proving ground. This is how we are tested and tried. This is how we learn to become more like our Savior. I need to refocus my perspective, respond with more love and meekness, and remind myself to not only act as the Savior would act, but be who he wants me to be. The more my character and actions reflect the Lord, the easier it should be for my kids to do and become more like him as well.

Love life and see good days: Aspire to inspire gratitude

It was a hard day today. Walt woke up in a terrible mood and I felt like I had to sludge through 4 hours of screaming toddler before even going to church where I most likely would have a 1 hour wrestingling match with two boys during sacrament meeting followed by a 2-hour-outnumbered-mass-chaos-of-18-month-old-nursery class where I'd be wiping snotty noses, pulling kids off chairs before they tumble to their demise, breaking up fights over toy planes and trains, trying to keep kids from eating play dough and stuffing crayons up their aforementioned snotty noses etc. etc.

Sacrament meeting did prove to be quite the fiasco. Walt kept trying to escape and screamed every time I stopped him from leaving our row. Matt took him out about half an hour in. About 10 min. later Dean was just being so naughty. Running out into the aisles. Making lots of noise. He was just bouncing off the ceiling. I ended up taking him out and setting him down in the hall next to a pillar for a time out. Matt ended up taking him into the clean room while I then took Walter and began to cry as the beautiful violin musical number started playing A Poor Wayfaring Man of Grief. Three sisters in the lobby with their own toddlers came over to give me hugs, ask if I was ok, and sympathize with my circumstance.

A couple weeks ago we had a Stake  Relief Society conference where we had inspiring classes on how to be better people. My favorite of the three classes was one on perspective.

"The greater part of our happiness or misery depends on our dispositions and not on our circumstances. We carry the seeds of the one or the other about with us in our minds wherever we go." Martha Washington

"...love life, and see good days..." says Peter (1 Peter 3:10) He goes on to say that in order to do that, we must stop speaking evil and guile. Criticism doesn't help us feel happier. Pre-judging, gossip and slander keep us from seeing the good. 

Are we actually looking for the good? Do we see the good that happens in our lives? Do we thank the Lord for the good things that come our way? Or do we just blame, nit-pick, and look for ways we have been wronged?

I pretty much was expecting the worst today and I got it.  I was looking for it, and I found it.  Luckily other people through kind acts and beautiful music helped lift me out of my funk.  I can wallow in my self-pity as long as I want, but if I want to be happy, I have to look for the good in the circumstances that I'm in and let go of being the victim.

I was reading in the Gospel Principles manual tonight on Charity, and President Monson said, “Let us ask ourselves the questions: ‘Have I done any good in the world today? Have I helped anyone in need?’ [Hymns, no. 223]. What a formula for happiness! What a prescription for contentment, for inner peace—to have inspired gratitude in another human being."

I really think that as we start to see the good in our lives, we are better able to be the good for others. We are more apt to serve, help, forgive, and love.

I own a book called "Change your questions, Change your life" by Wendy Watson Nelson, Elder Nelson's wife. As long as we are stuck in the "Why me" stage, we'll not grow or become better. But we need to move on to questions such as "What can I learn from this?" Heaven knows the older I get, the more I know I don't know everything!  There are plenty of lessons I need to learn from days like today, so I guess there's something to be grateful for!

The teacher of that RS class also reissued a challenge that Elder Eyring gave in a conference to write down the good things that happen to us so we can see the hand of the Lord in our lives. This past month I've been keeping a pen-and-paper journal (imagine that!) faithfully every night before I go to bed. I don't try to make it flow or worry about grammar. I just try and think of the top 5 (or more) things that happened during the day that I was grateful for or that made me laugh.  My blog has suffered because I'm getting my words out elsewhere, but I think I'm feeling better for it. It helps me look for the Lord's tender mercies and focus on the blessing my children are in my life rather than focus on the difficult moments where I may-or-may-not-have-wanted-to-strangle-my-darling-children-for-screaming-for-3-hours-straight-or-for-smearing-animal-cracker-goop-all-over-my-couches.You should try it.

Phew. The end. Kudos to you if you actually read my ramblings.

10 years ago today

10 years ago today I was able to go through the LDS temple for the first time and receive my Endowment. I was 19 and heading out to China to teach English, and while receiving one's Endowment wasn't really "standard procedure" without getting married or going on an LDS mission, 3 different leaders in my life asked me to consider it, and after praying about it, it all felt very right for me.

There had been a HORRIBLE snowstorm in northern AZ that day and our closest temple was in Mesa at the time. I remember being very surprised at how many people came to support me and were able to get through the Rim roads since most of them were closed earlier that day because they were so icy and impassable. Entering the Celestial room with so many friendly, loving, familiar faces already there to greet me was one of the most touching experiences of my life, and was the closest thing to Heaven on Earth that I can imagine. Which is the whole point I guess.

What a wonderful blessing the Temple has been in my life.

Charity

Today  as I read through President Monson's talk Charity Never Faileth from the General Relief Society meeting, this really stuck out at me. It's almost exactly his words, but I cut a few words and formatted it slightly to all fit the same pattern for this.

Charity

Is tolerant of others and lenient toward their actions.

Forgives.

Is patient.

Impels us to be sympathetic, compassionate, and merciful.

Is present during sickness and affliction as well as weakness or error on the part of others.

Gives attention to those who are unnoticed,

Hope to those who are discouraged,

Aid to those who are afflicted.

Is love in action.

Refuses to find satisfaction in hearing or reporting misfortunes.

Resists the impulse to become offended easily

Is accepting of weaknesses and shortcomings.

Is accepting people as they truly are.

Is looking beyond physical appearances

Is resisting the impulse to categorize others

Time Out for Women 2010: Saturday afternoon - shortest and last installment!

Hillary Weeks
Sometimes we take on more than we're able to handle, but we don't realize it until we're in the thick of it.  When we are feeling overwhelmed with what is on our plate, do as Christ did with the 5 fishes and 2 loaves of bread for a multitude. 1. Give thanks for what you do have. 2. Your abilities and resources will be magnified and you will find a way to make it through the seemingly impossible.

We can finish what we start. Believe in who you are. Heavenly Father know who we are. Believe in what you're doing. Believe in who you are. Believe in who you're becoming. Believe in who you are. If you could see what he sees, you'd believe. He believes in you.

Wendy Ulrich -- I loved this talk
Ask yourself: Do I want to be happy? What do I love?

1. Stop worrying about your weakness.
1. People get more happiness from living their strengths.
2. Try it: What do you know by experience and the spirit to be true? What is a new and creative way you could use your strengths this week?
3. Each of us has been given a gift from God that we are obligated to share with others. It will bring happiness when you do.
4. Here are a short list of possible gifts: curiosity, love of learning, open-minded, creative, larger perspective, brace, gratitude, leadership, loyalty, loving and accepting of love, perseverance, appreciates music, creates music, etc.
2. Don't try to get motivated to exercize (or do other things you know you should do but don't want to)
1. Motivation FOLLOWS action. 
2. Start with 2 minutes of exercise, cleaning, etc. TODAY
3. Make it social
4. Trick your energy-conserving mind (I'm not putting on my sweats to jog, I'm putting them on because they're comfortable. I'm not going outside to run, I'm just getting the mail. I'm not going for a jog, I'm just going to see if the neighbors are out. By the end you may just find you've walked/jogged because you STARTED.)
3. Stop trying to find friends.
1. Instead, develop skills of friendship.
2. There are always people who need love.
3. Make and respond to bids (that just means, say SOMETHING. Just start to talk and ask people about themselves!)
4. The things that count a lot in the eternal perspective are interpersonal service and friendship. Smile at others. Say hi to someone. Thank others. Give sincere compliments when you think them.
5. Do I pass on opportunities to bless the lives of others?  Do I pass on opportunities to let others bless my life?
4. Don't try and feel happy
1. Instead, look for things to be grateful for.
2. Write down 3 good things each day and why they happened.
5. Celebrate failure
1. Failure often means we are taking necessary risks to grow, stretch, serve. 
2. Learn from mistakes. Become a better person because of failures, don't wallow in misery over not being good enough. 
3.  (There was a quote on our bullitin board all growing up that says, "It matters not if you try and fail and try and fail again. It matters much if you try and fail and fail to try again." Thought that fit in well here.)
6. Don't (just) endure to the end
1. "Life is to be enjoyed, not just endured." (Gordon B. Hinckley)
2. Savor every day delights: loved ones, nature, home, good, comforts, music, art
3. Find one thing you can try this week to cultivate happiness.

 Brad Wilcox
Our lives are interconnected and build on each other. 

He spoke on turning weakness to strengths.  His whole talk was centered on 2 Nephi 25:23 "For we labor dilligently to write to persuade our children, and also our brethren, to believe in Christ, and be reconciled to God; for we know it is by grace that we are saved,  after all we can do."


Grace is not just a finishing touch.  Grace is our energy supply. He is the enabling power that gets us through the tunnel. We may receive His grace before, during, and after all of our own doing.

Because God loves us, He accepts any offering, even if it's not our best or all because He's more concerned with the offerer.

Everyone must pass through mediocre (middle of the mountain) to reach the top of excellence. At least you're not at the bottom refusing to climb.

Geral Lund said, "Stan's strategies with some people is to make them thing if you're not perfect, you're not good enough."

Try putting emphasis on different words in the scripture.

After all we CAN do.  After all, what can we do without God?  Man is nothing. Nothing doesn't mean worthless. Moses is God's child/ Nothin doesn't mean worthless, but powerless.  Speaking of that poem footprints in the sand, he said, "there were never two sets of footprints. Christ carries us the whole way."

After all we can DO. We're not human doing, but human beings. Doing is to help us become. The song should go, "Teach me all that I can be, to live with him someday."

No unchanged being will want to live with God. Unless we partake in Christ's atonement and repent, we would feel far too  uncomfortable to live in the presence of God.  He often has friends who ask, "Have you been saved by grace?" And his response is "Yes! But, have you been changed by grace?"

Heaven will not be heaven for those who choose not to be heavenly through the atonement of Jesus CHrist.  We don't gain exaultation by a point system, but by who we are.
Those begging to enter the House of the Lord will not be the unrepentant sinners, but Jesus begging them to change and be cleansed.

We don't earn our way to heaven. We're in the business of preparing to feel comfortable in the presence of God.

After all WE can do. Not we as in you and me. We as in God and me.  Our individual works don't supplement Jesus' grace. It's a relationship that is greater than the sum of the whole. It's not about height, but growth.  We can't do our best without Christ by our side.

A student once asked, "If Jesus fills the gap between my all and the rest, who fills the gap between where I am and my all?"  It doesn't work like that. Jesus doesn't make UP the difference. He makes ALL the difference.

The miracle of the Atonement is not just that we can go home to live with Christ, but that we can feel at home with Him. 

He asks us to do things not to pay our debt to Him, but that we might change and become more like Him.

Without faith and repentance, there would be no desire to change.  We need to practice being heavenly.

How do we get to heaven? Holding hands. (Think of the Temple here) No one walks through the veil alone. Every one of us must take the hand of the Savior and together, hand in hand, we enter into His kingdom.  There will be no Him and no Me but only WE.

"For we know it is by grace we are saved, after all WE can do." We are not alone. We enter heaven held in His grip and there we will feel His embrace.

Time Out for Women 2010: Saturaday Morning

This one is the longest, most intense set of notes. All of the talks were good, but if you want your life and perspective changed, at least read the last talk by Mariama Kallon from Siera Leon, Africa.

Saturday Morning
When the spirit speaks, we need to follow with exactness. God is interested in the details of our lives and will be as much a part of our lives as we let Him.


Wome women give birth and never really mother. Some women never bear children, but mother their whole lives.


Sometimes all it takes is to change our perspective.


Hope is an abiding faith and trust in God.


Deann Flynn

• No matter where you serve, it's how you serve that matters
• You don't have to be a child prodigee to be successful.
• Where there is Christ, there is hope.
• Often times hope is the only thing we have to offer others.

The Lord Gives us patterns in all things so that we will not be deceived by Satan. We are daily exposed to good and bad patterns.

• Pride and competitiveness are traps and are patterns of the world we ought not follow
  
• Family prayer, consistent scripture study, family meals and gatherings together, attending meetings are all good patterns we can follow and model for our children.

Obedience is non-transferable, but we can set good patterns for our children to follow.


She talked about how the observance of the Sabbath has changed over the years. It used to be referred to as the Holy Sabbath, then the Sabbath, then Sunday, and now it's most commonly just referred to as "the weekend".  Are our Sunday activities centered around Christ and the Holy Sabbath?


God has given us a pattern. We give our children patterns to follow, but we and they have agency.


Shortcuts rarely pay off.


3 Nephi 11:29 "He that hath the spirit of contention is not of me, but is of the devil, who is the father of contention, and he stirreth up the hearts of men to contend with anger, one with another. But behold this is not my doctrine, to stir up the hearts of men with anger, but this is my doctrine that such things should be done away."


Look to the scriptures for patterns that will give our lives direction and hope for parenting and marriage.


Challenge: You will feel a daily renewal of God's love by having a morning devotional of prayer, scripture study and meditation, even if it is a few minutes. We will be deeply blessed by the Lord and will feel his power.  Are we in too big of a hurry or too busy to be blessed by the Lord?


Family Meals will help effect improvement in all areas if you meet 3 or more times together as a family.


We can't be casual followers of Christ because Satan is abroad in the land. We need to follow the patterns of happiness and optimism.


What light are we shinning? What patterns are emerging from our lanterns?


Hillary Weeks had lots of musical and speaking presentations throughout the day. She was really great.

• We might want to ask God to help us stop gossiping and find good in people. If we do we will find more love for others and more love for our self.
• 1 Peter 3:10 "For he that will love life, and see good days, let him refrain his tongue from evil, and his lips that they speak no guile."
• Be kinder. Give the benefit of the doubt. Everyone yo umeet is facing something difficult.
• Gordon B. Hinckley, "Many of you think you are failures. You feel you cannot do well, that with all of your effort it is not sufficient. We all feel that way. I feel that way as I speak to you tonight. I long for, I pray for the power and the capacity to lift you, to inspire you, to thank you, to praise you, and to bring a measure of gladness into your hearts. We all worry about our performance. We all wish we could do better. But unfortunately we do not realize, we do not often see the results that come of what we do." (Ensign Nov. 2003)

Emily Freeman
Began with a story about going skiing for 3 days straight on a vacation and was so sore by the end, all she wanted to do was climb into pjs by 4pm on the 3rd day. She realized she needed to run to the store right after she got in her pjs and was too sore to want to change again.
She went to the store, returned 3 dvds, and began to check out a dvd while talking on the phone with a woman who needed help.  Though she had a specific plan for her movies, the actual machine was quite slow and a line started to form. A woman came up and tapped her on the shoulder and said, "Excuse me, but you're not supposed to be on the phone while using this machine!"  She thought the lady was joking, gave her a quick wink, and finished up what she was doing. When she left, the lady approached her again and said, "You are RUDE and you're wearing your pajamas!"  As she walked through the store to get what she needed, her thoughts kept spiraling out to the point where she felt she was the worst mother and she was in tears by the time she got home.

Her point was, it only takes 1 person questioning us and our world can seem to come crashing down.
In our moments of discouragement, where do we turn?
Learn to see a good day

• change your perspective
• love life
• compare the perspective of Nephi and his brothers Laman and Lemuel.  Nephi had "seen much affliction...but knew he was favored of the Lord" whereas Laman and Lemuel complain unceasingly, "Behold these many years we have suffered in the wilderness, which time we might have enjoyed our possessions and the land of our inheritance; yea, and we might have been happy." (1 nephi 17:21)

What do we see? A field of 1000s dandelion weeds or 1000 wishes ready to be blown.

1. Hope will come when we learn to see good in our lives
2. Create a physical list of what you love
3. Give your heart a great experience. Ecclesiastes 1:16 "yea, my heart had great experience of wisdom and knowledge."
1. She told a story of staying at her mother's and their neighbor had a really noisy dog. In the morning she was complaining to her mom about the horrible dog next door. The mom said she didn't hear a dog. How could she NOT hear the dog, she asked. "3 weeks earlier the neighbor came over and apologized in advance for the new noisy dog. She said, 'I have a son, who I adore, who is having a really hard time in life right now. His counselor suggested that the dog may give him something to live for.' So, I do not hear a dog. Whenever the dog starts to bark I hear, "I have a son, who I adore...'"  Change your perspective. Everyone we meet is facing something difficult.
4. Determine a reason for the hope that is in you.  Where/to whom do we turn to in hard times? Family? Friends? The Savior can bring the oil of gladness. Our greatest hope comes from our Savior Jesus Christ.  
1. Jeremiah 29:11-13 "For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end. Then shall ye call upon me, and ye shall go and pray unto me, and I will hearken unto you. And ye shall seek me, and find me, when ye shall search for me with all your heart."
 

Hope for vs. Hope in. We hope for good things to happen. We hope in Christ.  He has strength beyond my own.

Mariama Kallon -- Survivor from Siera Leon (the blood diamond place in Africa where the country was in war for 12 years over diamonds) Her story was very intense, very emotional, and it is one that changes lives and perspectives.

Ask the Lord to not be judgmental. "Create in me a clean heart, Oh Lord." Psalm 51:10

Her country was in war for 12 years over diamonds. She had to learn to live in light, even when circumstances were dark and dreary.

Her parents were killed by rebels while she and her brother and sister were running to try and escape. She heard the shooting in the house and began to turn to see if she could help her parents, but her sister yelled, "They are gone! Keep running!" They were unable to bury their parents because they had to run to protect themselves.  Their brother was caught and refused to join the rebels.  They chopped his hands off for this.  She and her sister kept running. They found a hut where the slept for the night, thinking it would keep them safe. They awoke to rebels standing over them, the youngest which was 9.  The rebels told them that they were going to rape them, then cut off their limbs and leave them there to die.  She said the drugs the rebels were on made them view people as chickens.  In that moment, she felt the need to talk to God. She pleaded with the Lord as her sister's legs were chopped off.  As they were turning to her, there was a noise from the village saying the soldiers were coming.  The rebels left and she was unharmed. "I didn't know how long I would live because it was a time of war."  The soldiers came and helped her sister.

She ate and drank off the land as she ran.  Her feet were swollen. She got to Freetown without any of her family.  She found some people she knew, and stayed with them for a time. Their next door neighbors were members of the LDS church.  One day they came to her and said, "We have nothing to give you except hope, refuge and courage in Christ from church."  She found this to be intriguing, and went with them. 

She found the LDS church to be very weird. Quiet. She was used to drums and dancing.  But they described the resurrection as spoken of in Alma 40:23 "The soul shall be restored to the body, and the body to the soul; yea and every limb and joint shall be restored to its body; yea, even a hair of the head shall not be lost; but all things shall be restored to their proper and perfect frame."  This gave her hope for her family she had left behind. She began reading the Book of Mormon.

At one point, some of her friends were turning to prostitution to try and earn money to live. As she considered this, she came across the scripture 2 Nephi 4:26-28 " O then, if I have seen so great things, if the Lord in his condescension unto the children of men hath visited men in so much mercy, why should my heart weep and my soul linger in the valley of sorrow, and my flesh waste away, and my strength slacken, because of mine afflictions? And why should I yeild to sin, because of my flesh? Yea, why should I give way to temptations, that the evil one have place in my heart to destroy my peace and afflict my soul? Why am I angry because of mine enemy?Awake, my soul! No longer droop in sin. Rejoice, O my heart, and give place no more for the enemy of my soul."

She began taking missionary discussions from a returned missionary who lived in Freetown. She had to walk 3 miles every day, usually in the rain, to take the discussions.  She was baptised in the river.  She felt new, clean. During that time her Book of Mormon was her best friend. She had no school, nothing, because it was a time of war. So she read and often went to the church to clean the building and the yard. "I did things I didn't realize were service until I came here! I felt blessed to do those things because the Lord spared me to help others."

After a time, she decided she wanted to serve a mission for the church, but didn't know how that would be possible since she had no family to support her and no money to her name.  The branch president said if she wanted to go, there a way would be prepared for her. Just as she was getting ready, she found out that her baby cousin and half sister were found, alive. She was the only relation that could take care of them. She felt very strongly about serving a mission and as she read the scriptures, she came across Doctrine and Covenants 31:1 "Blessed are you Thomas, because of your faith in my work. Behold you have had many afflictions because of your family; nevertheless, I will bless you and your family, yea, your little ones..."  She told her branch president of her predicament, and he told her that he would take care of the kids while she was gone.

She was called to serve a mission on Temple Square in Salt Lake City.  She was like a queen in Africa because she would be going to America. While she was serving her mission, she was often saddened that she had no support, no family to write her. The other sisters asked their mothers to write her as they wrote their daughters. She received much love and support as if she were their own.At one point, a couple from Texas asked to speak with the sister from Africa. She was afraid that she had offended someone by her bad English. But they told her that they wanted to adopt a boy from Africa and asked if she knew of anyone. She pulled out the picture of her baby cousin and half sister.  They decided to adopt both of them. Her sister is here and married, and her cousin is now 12 years old and happy.

"When we listen and obey, he grants us his promised blessings."

Time Out for Women 2010: Friday night

This was my first year attending Deseret Book's Time Out for Women. We were lucky enough for them to have it in Plano, just 20 min. away from me, for the first time ever. It was about 15 hours of talks and music directed to women to help lift us up, become better, and give us a new perspective on being a good woman/Christian/Latter-day saint/mother.  I am a firm believer in taking notes when at all possible. I pay closer attention and take away more that way. I took lots of notes on random note paper, so I will copy them here for my (and your) archival pleasure. Because I am such an avid note taker, I am going to break this up into segments so it's easier to read.

Friday Night
The theme for the weekend was, "Hope All Things"

Chieko Okasaki was supposed to speak to us, but unfortunately she was ill.
We were able to hear from President Gordon B. Hinkley's daughter Virginia Hinkley Pearce instead:


What does it mean to live successfully?

• her definition of success: I trusted God completely and accepted and used Christ's atonement.
• success is not contingent upon what callings or leadership positions you hold in church
• Life is NOT a competition. Don't base your success on a comparison to others.
• Sometimes mere survival is success.

Growth comes when we constantly seek to be just slightly better than our current best. We grow and mature line upon line.

Ask yourself,  "What will help me grow just a little bit? What will stretch me just enough beyond my capacity to learn to trust and rely upon God?"

Our main goal and challenge in life should be to become more like Christ.

1. Mosiah 5:2 "...the Spirit of the Lord Omnipotent, [has] wrought a mighty change in us, or in our hearts, that we have no more disposition to do evil, but to do good continually."
2. We need to begin to see things and people as Heavenly Father and Jesus see.

Get out of the business of comparing! You will always find someone fatter than you, thinner than you, richer than you, poorer than you. It is the fast track to misery.  Other people have their mission in life, and I have mine.  There is only one YOU. Look at others and learn, but don't compare. It's expressing a lack of faith.

God works in me to do His will, if I am willing to give my life to Him.

Peace, Joy and hope are available to those who knowhow to measure success properly.

You can't measure your success by the results of others' agency and choices, but by your commitment to promoting growth.  If you feel the spirit and respond to it, you can feel successful, regardless of the outcome.

Michael Mclean had a lot of musical performances and presentations.  Here are are a few things I took from him:
We should be on a mission to be happy. The whole world is our training center. Don't be held hostage by your circumstances, children, self, or others. Now is the moment. Don't miss life as you live it.

Life's battles aren't always answered or won the way we want. Realize how spectacular you are.  You don't know what's in store for you.

Just feeling that you're heard is sometimes the answer. "Did you hear me? I can feel you near me."

Mark Mayberry
If you have never seen Reflections of Christ, please click here. The photography depicting Christ's life and ministry is absolutely amazing.

He actually spoke of his experience shooting his latest project, Another Testament Reflection of Christ - click here to see it.

His presentation was mostly visual, but the few snippets I took from him were:
What a blessing it will be to have Him embrace us in His robes of righteousness. We need Him now, not just in eternal worlds.

What can I do on a daily basis to imagine myself at the foot of Christ, encircled by His love?

Why I didn't hear much of conference

I love the first weekend in April and October when we have the opportunity to hear from Prophet and Apostles of the Lord on how to become better people and disciples of Christ via satellite transmission. It is quite handy that we can listen and watch from home now, but I have to admit, this past weekend was quite difficult to pay attention to the 8 hours of teaching because of two little chilluns, as cute as they may be. I heard something like this for about 6 of the 8 hours over the course of the two days.

I am very grateful I can read and listen and watch conference over again in my spare time since I didn't get nearly as much out of it as I wanted.

"Mom, you have a testimony you need to..."

After the first person bore their testimony in church today, Dean turned to me and said, "Mom, you have a testimony you need to..."  He couldn't figure out what verb he needed to end with, so I supplied him with one. The rest of the meeting he kept telling me I needed to bear my testimony.

There was a steady stream of people, and I never found a suitble break to go up. So with a few minutes left of the meeting, Dean and I walked up ("Dean want to go with you mom."), and waited at the pew closest to the pulpit till we could jump in.  He stood in the "reverent child" spot, folding his arms while I bore my testimony. When I was done, he said, "Mom, you want to holdge (hold) Dean." I picked him up and turned to go, and he said, "No, Dean want to talk!" 

So I went back to the pulpit and he got up close to the mic. He repeated after me, "My name is Dean. I love Jesus, in the name of Jesus Christ, amen." He said it all and closed with a rousing AMEN!  The congregation had a good chuckle. It was very cute. I'm wondering if he's one of the youngest children to bear his first testimony at 2 years old...  I was proud of him.

Letting go and finding unity

A month or two ago, I found myself playing the classic role of the critical, nagging wife. Well, let me correct that statement. I didn't find myself there. It was pointed out to me, and it was a correct evaluation.

It hit me pretty hard because I've always tried really hard not to be that wife. Yet there I was.

When Matt and I were dating, it was pretty apparent that we had differences of opinion on child discipline and child rearing. I figured we'd both kind of mellow out over the course of our marriage and come to a general consensus on how it should be handled.

While I think we have both changed and matured in our understanding of parenthood, new issues and challenges have arisen. Child rearing is so much easier in theory, and I have kind of floundered in actual practice. I'll read a book and try that theory. Read another book and see if that's better. I bounce back and forth on how to actually achieve what it is I'm wanting. I know I am not as consistent as I should be, mainly because I'm not positive that what I'm doing is "the right" way to handle things.

Matt, on the other hand, is very consistent. I have to give him credit for that. He definitely borders on authoritarian/drill sergeant parenting, but he is very good about holding boundaries and sticking to his discipline and parenting method.

In all my MFHD classes we were taught that authoritative/consulting parenting is the best, so when I felt Matt was coming down too hard or expecting too much of a 2 year old, I began pointing it out. Continually. In front of the kids.

Now, that is not good.

When I realized what I was doing, I decided I needed to change something. But how, and what? I started reading through talks and articles on lds.org and came across 2 articles that really spoke to me. I highly recommend you read both.

The first is Overcoming Differences of Opinion by Elder Robert E. Wells. Here are a few selections from it.

Repeated criticisms of this negative and acid nature can wear away the bonds of love until the marital fabric is weakened and ruined—with sad results for both parties.

Too often, criticism attacks tender, unprotected feelings. When we criticize, we are implying blame, censure, condemnation, reprobation, and denunciation—and we’re setting ourselves up as judges, as if we were qualified to point out someone else’s faults and weaknesses.

------------

One of you might begin by asking, “What can I do to be a better husband (or wife)?” Then the other responds kindly with ideas and suggestions.

As you share your feelings and give your partner suggestions, be humble and nonthreatening. Don’t assume that you’re always the offended one and that your spouse is the guilty one. Remember, too, that in many situations, it’s not a matter of who is right and who is wrong—it’s simply a matter of understanding each other.

I’d suggest that you avoid a written list of faults. This is a time when relying on memory is more considerate than reading a host of complaints. Another rule you might establish is for each of you to limit the number of suggestions you bring at one time—no more than two or three at most. That way, the experience isn’t as likely to be so overwhelming.

As you’re the one receiving the suggestions, don’t become defensive.

The second was The Call of the Mild by Martha Wilder.

Although my husband was an excellent father, I often felt irritated and angry. I wanted him to fit the image of what I thought he should be. I had certain ideals and goals I wanted implanted in him.

[advice from her dad] 'Be gentle in your persuasion while recognizing his strengths and achievements. Be an example without criticizing. In your rush to achieve your goals, you may be sending a silent message that he’s not measuring up. He’s a good man, Martha, and he needs to know that you think so, too...One of the most insidious cracks in any marriage is when partners wonder if they made the right choice. The marriage begins to fall apart because they quit working at it'

There was a follow up to The Call of the Mild in that Ensign entitled, "How can I improve my relationship with my spouse?" by Martha's father. Here are the 7 suggestions:

1. Avoid negative thoughts. Avoid comparing your spouse with someone else. Instead, think of what you like or appreciate about him or her. Make a list and add to it frequently.
2. Avoid snipping. Don’t make derogatory remarks about your spouse in front of others, and don’t allow others to criticize your spouse within your hearing. Instead, say something positive about your mate in front of others, especially when your partner is present. It will reaffirm commitment and bolster self-esteem.
3. Do something positive for your spouse each day: a cup of hot chocolate, a surprise note, helping with a chore that your partner usually handles alone. Be creative—and don’t keep score.
4. Don’t set limits on the work you’re willing to invest in your marriage. Love is not a 50/50 proposition. You should avoid measuring the “amount” you’re contributing to your marriage.
5. Avoid making demands or ultimatums. Nothing brings out stubbornness and resentment faster than an ultimatum.
6. Practice meekness. Many people equate meekness with weakness. But meekness in reality is a strength. It results in a person becoming compatible with others and being teachable.
7. Study the references to the words charity and love in the dictionary of the LDS edition of the King James Bible. Let the scriptures expand your understanding of eternal love.

Also, it's also good to remember James' advice in James 1:19 "let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath." Now, that's something I need to post on my wall!

After reading these articles, instead of writing Matt a note or having a conversation detailing where our child rearing philosophies veered (and why I felt he was wrong and I was right), I felt really strongly that I needed to just let him know that I knew I was wrong for criticizing him in front of the kids, and that I would try harder to stop rescuing Dean and start communicating my concerns more appropriately with Matt. I also felt like he needed to know that I really did love and appreciate him as a husband and father. I'm not sure if my note meant more to me or him. After doing that, I noticed how stressed out he was at work. I felt more love toward him. Instead of making home a place of criticism and stress, I tried harder to make it a safe place filled with love and appreciation. Do I do this every day? Unfortunately I have relapses like everybody else. But I'm learning little by little. Do we see eye to eye on child discipline? No, but I'm more willing to step back and stop talking and intervening so much.

Lesson on Prayer

I gave the lesson in relief society today and felt like it went quite well. I really love the new gospel principles manual because it's so direct and just straight up doctrine. Love it. For being so basic, I really have received new insights in every lesson I've taught.

This morning Dean was having some serious panic attacks about having to go to nursery. Since Matt is no longer a nursery worker he's really struggled. Last week he cried all but 20 min. of nursery. When he was really panicking this morning I suggested we have a little prayer to help calm him down. We prayed and he was much calmer after that. He was still "a little sad" to have to go to nursery, but he only cried about a min. or two today instead of the entire class period.

(GP = Gospel Principle; BD =Bible Dictionary; if it's just a name, it's from the same talk I've already referenced in my lesson)

Here's my outline for the lesson:

What is Prayer?
“Prayer is a sincere, heartfelt talk with our Heavenly Father.” GP p.34

“Prayer is the act by which the will of the Father and the will of the child are brought into correspondence with each other. The object of prayer is not to change the will of God, but to secure for ourselves and for others blessings that God is already willing to grant, but that are made conditional on our asking for them. Blessings require some work or effort on our part before we can obtain them. Prayer is a form of work, and is an appointed means for obtaining the highest of all blessings.” Bible Dictionary

Why do we Pray? Commandment, repent, draw closer to God, stay on the straight and narrow, help, thanks, act of love, strength, for friends and enemies, missionary experiences, etc.

If our kids only called us when they needed money or assistance, I bet we’d start to get a little annoyed. Especially if when we did help them out they didn’t recognize nor express appreciation for our assistance. Find more things to be grateful for and ask for less.

“The most meaningful and spiritual prayers I have experienced contained many expressions of thanks and few, if any, requests. Let me recommend that periodically you and I offer a prayer in which we only give thanks and express gratitude. Ask for nothing; simply let our souls rejoice and strive to communicate appreciation with all the energy of our hearts.” Bednar “Pray Always,” Ensign, Nov 2008, 41–44

When should we pray? “We can pray whenever we feel the need to communicate with our Heavenly Father, whether silently or vocally.” GP

• Pray morning and night “In a similar way, meaningful morning prayer is an important element in the spiritual creation of each day—and precedes the temporal creation or the actual execution of the day. Just as the temporal creation was linked to and a continuation of the spiritual creation, so meaningful morning and evening prayers are linked to and are a continuation of each other.” David A. Bednar, “Pray Always,” Ensign, Nov 2008, 41–44
  
• Pray always. During the course of the day, we keep a prayer in our heart for continued assistance and guidance—even as Alma suggested: “Let all thy thoughts be directed unto the Lord” (Alma 37:36). Bednar
  

How should we pray?
We give our prayer to Heavenly Father in the name of Jesus and we’re answered through the Spirit of the Lord.

• Why do we pray in Jesus’ name?
  

1. Our privilege to approach God the Father in pray is made possible by the atonement of Jesus Christ.
   
2. We are sinners and to approach God we invoke the authority of Jesus and ask for those things in accordance with his will.
   
3. The words aren’t a magical incantation. What matters most is the purpose and feeling behind the prayer.
   
4. Jesus is the way (to God), the truth, and the light.
   
5. “We pray in Christ’s name when our mind is the mind of Christ, and our wishes the wishes of Christ - when his words abide in us (John 15: 7). We then ask for things it is possible for God to grant. Many prayers remain unanswered because they are not in Christ’s name at all; they in no way represent his mind, but spring out of the selfishness of man’s heart.” BD
   
6. “She [his mother] knew the Savior, and she loved Him. I had learned from her that we do not close in the name of a stranger when we approach our Father in prayer. I knew from what I had seen of her life that her heart was drawn to the Savior from years of determined and consistent effort to serve Him and to please Him. I knew the scripture was true which warns, “For how knoweth a man the master whom he has not served, and who is a stranger unto him, and is far from the thoughts and intents of his heart?” (Mosiah 5:13).” Henry B. Eyring, “That He May Write upon Our Hearts,” Liahona, Aug 2009, 2–7
7. “Another lesson I have learned: after praying, I must do my part to help answer the prayer. President Spencer W. Kimball taught: “When we pray for health we must live the laws of health and do all in our power to keep our bodies well and vigorous. We pray for protection and then take reasonable precaution to avoid danger. There must be works with faith” (Faith Precedes the Miracle, Salt Lake City: Deseret Book, 1972, p. 205).” Barton
   

How are prayers answered?
“Our sincere prayers are always answered. Sometimes the answer may be no, because what we have asked for would not be best for us. Sometimes the answer is yes, and we have a warm, comfortable feeling about what we should do (see D&C 9:8–9). Sometimes the answer is “wait a while.” Our prayers are always answered at a time and in a way that the Lord knows will help us the most.” GP

“When there seems to be no clear-cut “yes” or “no” answer to a question asked in prayer, it may be that either choice is acceptable. Or perhaps neither choice is the best one. We might consider changing the question to ask an all-knowing, loving Heavenly Father what his will is. Again, the answer might come in a variety of ways—a new thought or opportunity we had not considered, a change in the situation to make one course clearly preferable, or intervention by someone with needed information, practical skill, or spiritual perspective.” Grant E. Barton, “Discerning Answers to Our Prayers,” Ensign, Feb 1996, 48

“Immediate divine intervention to solve every problem would invalidate the test that earth life was designed to be. Elder Bruce R. McConkie of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles wrote: “It is not, never has been, and never will be the design and purpose of the Lord—however much we seek him in prayer—to answer all our problems and concerns without struggle and effort on our part. This mortality is a probationary estate. … We are being tested to see how we will respond in various situations; how we will decide issues; what course we will pursue while we are here walking, not by sight, but by faith” (Ensign, Jan. 1976, p. 11).” Barton

Temperance

In my goal to overcome anger issues, I identified charity and temperance as goals to work toward. I figure if I can teach myself to be charitable and temperate, my anger will abate and I will become a better [Christian, mom, wife, daughter, neighbor, person].

Since I already lightly touched on charity, today's topic is temperance.

According to dicionary.com, temperance can be defined as "moderation or self-restraint in action or statement; self-control."

"In a spiritual sense, temperance is a divine attribute of Jesus Christ. He desires for each of us to develop this attribute. Learning to be temperate in all things is a spiritual gift available through the Holy Ghost.

'I would that ye should be humble, and be submissive and gentle; easy to be entreated; full of patience and long-suffering; being temperate in all things.'

Likewise, a temperate soul—one who is humble and full of love—is also a person of increased spiritual strength. With increased spiritual strength, we are able to develop self-mastery and to live with moderation. We learn to control, or temper, our anger, vanity, and pride. With increased spiritual strength, we can protect ourselves from the dangerous excesses and destructive addictions of today’s world.

When we are confronted with affliction, He said: 'Be patient in afflictions, revile not against those that revile. Govern your house in meekness, and be steadfast.'" Kent D. Watson, “Being Temperate in All Things,” Ensign, Nov 2009, 38–39

I like the idea of temperance being a spiritual gift. Some people are naturally temperate. It comes easily to some but is much more challenging for others. That doesn't mean that I shouldn't seek to become more temperate if I am not a naturally temperate person. We are told to seek after the best gifts.

Additionally, “If any of us are imperfect, it is our duty to pray for the gift that will make us perfect. … No man ought to say, ‘Oh, I cannot help this; it is my nature.’ He is not justified in it, for the reason that God has promised to give strength to correct these things, and to give gifts that will eradicate them. If a man lack wisdom, it is his duty to ask God for wisdom. The same with everything else. That is the design of God concerning His Church. He wants His Saints to be perfected in the truth. For this purpose He gives these gifts, and bestows them upon those who seek after them, in order that they may be a perfect people upon the face of the earth” (Millennial Star, 23 Apr. 1894, 260). quoted in Robert D. Hales, “Gifts of the Spirit,” Ensign, Feb 2002, 12

"Temperance can protect each of us from the aftermath of excess."Russell M. Nelson, “‘These … Were Our Examples’,” Ensign, Nov1991, 59

I'm sure we've all felt the "aftermath of excess" at one time or another. If we overeat we feel bloated and lethargic. If we stay up too late partying we feel like a train hit us the next day. If we get angry and blow up...well, there are a whole range of possible outcomes: divorce, bitter estrangement, physical, emotional, and/or spiritual damage, grudges, loss of trust, death, etc.


"[Being temperate] means he is restrained in his emotions and verbal expressions. He does things in moderation and is not given to overindulgence. In a word, he has self-control. He is the master of his emotions, not the other way around." Ezra Taft Benson, “What Manner of Men Ought We to Be?,” Ensign, Nov 1983, 42

I think it's just too darned easy to lay blame on external things and people for our feelings. We like to think that we are victims of circumstance. That we are good people and if it weren't for such and such or so and so, we wouldn't be so unhappy. But luckily our emotions are within our ability to control. We aren't victims. We can change. We can choose happiness and temperance. Will it always be easy? No. But I've learned if I want something badly enough, it's worth working for.

The courage to change for the better

I'm working on overcoming some of my most blaring and prominent imperfections, and it is hard. Apparantly I'm not alone because in this month's First Presidency Message in the Ensign, they ask,

“In the search for our best selves, several questions will guide our thinking: Am I what I want to be? Am I closer to the Savior today than I was yesterday? Will I be closer yet tomorrow? Do I have the courage to change for the better? …

One thing I'm really working on overcoming right now is anger. I generally would not classify myself as an angry person. However, it is something I've really struggled with in the last couple of months. I can easily blame it on things like "hormones" or "postpartum depression" or "lack of sleep", but while those things may be true, my children are looking to me as an example of what is right and acceptable. I'm not angry all the time, but I have found myself to be "easily provoked" (mainly by disobedience and what I assume is "normal" 2 year old behavior), and I often respond inappropriately when my anger flares.

After reading President Monson's talk School Thy Feelings, Oh my Brother (from Priesthood session in October), I decided I needed to take ownership of my problem and somehow try and rectify it asap. After all, children learn more by what we do than what we say, and I've noticed that Dean's picking up on some of my bad temper habits. So, in order to help him learn to choose right and have self-control, I have to learn to control myself. Even if I'm tired, hormonal, stressed out, etc.

Yesterday during my scripture study I chose to look up anger on the LDS website.

"Anger is the mother of a whole brood of evil actions. " Gordon B. Hinckley, 2007 October conference.

"Anger doesn’t solve anything. It builds nothing, but it can destroy everything." Thomas S. Monson, 2009 October conference quoting Lawrence Wilder

"To be angry is to yield to the influence of Satan. No one can make us angry. It is our choice. If we desire to have a proper spirit with us at all times, we must choose to refrain from becoming angry. I testify that such is possible." Thomas S. Monson, 2009 October Conference

"Our example of love, helpfulness, tolerance, and cooperation can set a pattern children will follow in handling their angry feelings." “Dealing with Anger and Contention,” Ensign, Sep 1988, 62

After reading about anger, I didn't feel particularly lifted up. Nor did I feel better equipped to deal with my anger. I mainly just felt guiltier about my behavior.

So I asked myself what the antithesis of anger was.

Some possibilities were: Charity, inner peace, and temperance

Since I don't have time to delve into all of these at once, I'll start with charity first and hopefully do later svithes on inner peace and temperance.

On Charity: The Pure Love of Christ

I love what the Apostle Paul has to say on the subject. We can have a whole slew of gifts, but unless we have charity, they won't do us a darn bit of good.

" And charity suffereth long, and is kind, and envieth not, and is not puffed up, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil, and rejoiceth not in iniquity but rejoiceth in the truth, beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things." (Moroni 7:45) I actually printed this one out and posted it on my wall to remind me.

In one of my favorite GA talks of all time (The Challenge to Become), Elder Oaks says, "The reason charity never fails and the reason charity is greater than even the most significant acts of goodness he cited is that charity, “the pure love of Christ” (Moro. 7:47), is not an act but a condition or state of being. Charity is attained through a succession of acts that result in a conversion. Charity is something one becomes." (emph. and italics added)

Elder Wirthlin said, "The most cherished and sacred moments of our lives are those filled with the spirit of love. The greater the measure of our love, the greater is our joy. In the end, the development of such love is the true measure of success in life. Do you love the Lord? Spend time with Him. Meditate on His words. Take His yoke upon you. Seek to understand and obey, because “this is the love of God, that we keep his commandments.” When we love the Lord, obedience ceases to be a burden. Obedience becomes a delight. When we love the Lord, we seek less for things that benefit us and turn our hearts toward things that will bless and uplift others. As our love for the Lord deepens, our minds and hearts become purified. We experience a “mighty change in … our hearts, that we have no more disposition to do evil, but to do good continually.”
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I am ready for a change for the better.

Apostasy and Restoration: Svithing* my talk

*Svithe is a word my brother-in-law coined. Svithe is a portmanteau made by combining seven and tithe--the idea being that one day in the week, this blogger devotes himself to what he hopes is a higher sort of something.

Earlier this week I was asked to give a talk in church today on the apostasy and restoration and to focus on Daniel 2 and how King Nebuchadnezzar's dream related to the latter-day kingdom of God. As I was writing my talk I had WAY more info. than I needed, so it was hard to wheedle it down to this. I love, love, love giving talks because it motivates me to research a topic in depth and really come to understand a gospel principle better. This ended up being a little more "removed" (not as many personal applications) than my talks usually are, but I think that's how the spirit steered me. I tried to document my sources, but I may have missed one here or there.

King Nebuchadnezzar's Dream

Around 600 BC Lehi prophesied that Jerusalem would be destroyed. He then took his family and crossed the ocean to the Promised Land and began writing what we call now the Book of Mormon. It was only a few years after their departure that Nebuchadnezzar, the King of Babylonia devastated Jerusalem. Among those taken was an intelligent and God fearing teenager named Daniel. As Daniel served in the King’s palace, he remained faithful to God and was able to win the favor of the court.

Shortly after Daniel’s arrival in Babylonia, King Nebuchadnezzar was plagued with a reoccurring dream. Because he was unable to remember what actually happened in his dream, “the king commanded to call the magicians, and the astrologers, and the sorcerers, and the Chaldeans, for to shew the king his dreams. So they came and stood before the king." He was furious when they were unable to fulfill his request and he commanded that all the wise men of his court, which included Daniel, be killed. Daniel petitioned for his life and the lives of his Hebrew friends Shadrac, Mishac and Abednego and asked that they be spared if he told the King his dream and the interpretation. The King agreed and Daniel later gave this account and interpretation that was revealed to him by the Lord:

In the dream the King saw a magnificent statue of a man. The head was made of gold, the chest and arms were silver, the belly and thighs were brass, his legs were of iron, and his feet were a mixture of iron and clay. [2] He then saw a stone cut out of a mountain that “smote the image upon his feet that were of iron and clay, and brake them to pieces…And the stone that smote the image became a great mountain, and filled the whole earth. ” [3]

“The dream revealed events that would take place over a long span of time.”[4]The different body parts represented world governments. The Lord revealed to Daniel that the head of Gold represented Nebuchadnezzar’s reign. History has shown us that “the Medes and Persians, an inferior kingdom to Babylon, were the arms and breast of silver. The Macedonian kingdom, under Alexander the Great, was the belly and thighs of brass; and the Roman kingdom under the Caesars was the legs of iron.” The legs were divided just as the Roman Empire was divided. “Elder Orson Pratt, in explaining why the toes were shown as being partly iron and partly clay, said that ‘the feet and toes were governments more modern to grow out of the iron kingdom [Roman Empire], after it should lose its strength.’”[5] President Kimball further explained, “Rome would be replaced by a group of nations of Europe represented by the toes of the image…And in the days of these kings [that is, the group of European nations] shall the God of heaven set up a kingdom, which shall never be destroyed . . . This is a revelation concerning the history of the world, when one world power would supersede another until there would be numerous smaller kingdoms to share the control of the earth. And it was in the days of these kings that power would not be given to men, but the God of heaven would set up a kingdom—the kingdom of God upon the earth, which should never be destroyed nor left to other people.” [6] The stone in the dream ended up smashing the toes, or the latter-day European governments and it grew into a large mountain filling the whole earth. It was the final kingdom, which would never be destroyed or overcome. This final kingdom was not set up by men, for it originated from a stone cut out of the mountain without hands, or by the will of God.

Apostacy and Restoration

During Christ’s mortal ministry, He established the kingdom of God on the earth. He organized the church and “sent His disciples into the world to preach His gospel.”[7] After His crucifixion the Apostles maintained the church, but after a time most of them were killed and many of the truths and teachings of Christ were altered or lost. This period of time is known as the Great Apostasy. As Elder Russell M. Nelson said, “This Great Apostasy followed the pattern that had ended each previous dispensation. The very first was in the time of Adam. Then came dispensations of Enoch, Noah, Abraham, Moses, and others. Each prophet had a divine commission to teach of the divinity and the doctrine of the Lord Jesus Christ. In each age these teachings were meant to help the people. But their disobedience resulted in apostasy… Thus a complete restoration was required. God the Father and Jesus Christ called upon the Prophet Joseph Smith to be the prophet of this dispensation. All divine powers of previous dispensations were to be restored through him…It would not end in apostasy, and it would fill the world.”[8]

Latter-day Kingdom of God

As a 14-year-old boy, Joseph Smith desired nothing more than to know the truth concerning God and what church was correct. He wasn’t seeking to set up a new church. He wasn’t looking for worldly fame or recognition. He merely wanted to do what was right and know what the Lord wanted him to do. So he asked a simple prayer. He, however, received no simple answer. That day he felt the awful power of Satan as well as saw God the Father and Jesus Christ in the flesh. They told that no church currently on earth was correct and forbid him to join any of them.

The restoration of Christ’s church did not happen that day. Rather, it was a series of events and heavenly manifestations over the course of years. Concerning the restoration, Elder Boyd K. Packer said, “That lost authority could not just be repossessed. It had to be restored by those who held the keys of authority anciently. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is not a remodeled version of another church. It is not an adjustment or a correction or a protest against any other church.”[9]

In the October General Conference of 2007 President Gordon B. Hinkley noted the amazing growth that has taken place in relatively short period of time. “Now, as we look back 177 years to the organization of the Church, we marvel at what has already happened. When the Church was organized in 1830 there were but six members, only a handful of believers, all residing in a largely unknown village. Today, we have become the fourth or fifth largest church in North America, with congregations in every city of any consequence. Stakes of Zion today flourish in every state of the United States, in every province of Canada, in every state of Mexico, in every nation of Central America and throughout South America.” Truly this is the stone cut out of the mountain that King Nebuchadnezzar saw over 2500 years ago.

But what was it, exactly, that was taken away and restored? What do we possess as a church that makes us the latter-day kingdom God? The authority to act in God’s name. The Aaronic and Melchizidek priesthoods had to be and were restored to Joseph by John the Baptist and the ancient apostles Peter, James and John. With that restored authority, Joseph was able to organize the church as Christ’s church was organized as noted in Ephesians 4:11 “And he gave some apostles, prophets, pastors [also known as bishops], Teachers, [and] Evangelists [also known as Patriarchs].” The restored priesthood authority also enables us to properly perform baptisms, receive the gift of the Holy Ghost, and receive the ordinances of the Temple and further knowledge that are required to gain exaltation. Because of the restoration of the gospel, I have had the opportunity to be sealed in God’s Temple, by men who hold His Priesthood and authority, for time and all eternity to my husband Matt and my two sons Dean and Walter as well as any future children we may have. What a blessing and comfort that is!

The restoration of the gospel set up this latter-day Kingdom of God that will never be overthrown. But why? And what does that me to me? President Ezra Taft Benson firmly stated, “We solemnly declare again that the God of heaven has established his latter-day kingdom upon the earth in fulfillment of prophecies. Holy angels have again communed with men on the earth. God has again revealed himself from heaven and restored to the earth his holy priesthood with power to administer in all the sacred ordinances necessary for the exaltation of his children. His church has been reestablished among men with all the spiritual gifts enjoyed anciently. All this is done in preparation for Christ’s second coming. The great and dreadful day of the Lord is near at hand.” We, brothers and sisters, are here to prepare ourselves for and warn others that Christ’s second coming not far off.

In 1845, the Quorum of the Twelve issued an epistle to the heads of state in the world. I quote from one paragraph:

“As this work progresses in its onward course, and becomes more and more an object of political and religious interest and excitement, no king, ruler, or subject, no community or individual, will stand neutral. All will at length be influenced by one spirit or the other; and will take sides either for or against the kingdom of God” (James R. Clark, comp., Messages of the First Presidency of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, 6 vols., Salt Lake City: Bookcraft, 1965–75, 1:257).

That time is now. We only have to turn on our TVs, cell phones, or computers to see how morally corrupt the world has become. Pornography, infidelity and immorality are seen as commonplace and “normal” behavior. Our youth and members are often ridiculed for being “uptight” or “goodie-goodies” because we don’t participate in such behavior. Elder Boyd K. Packer made a frightening statement concerning the perilous time we currently live in. He said, “I know of nothing in the history of the Church or in the history of the world to compare with our present circumstances. Nothing happened in Sodom and Gomorrah which exceeds in wickedness and depravity that which surrounds us now.”[10] No, brothers and sisters, we, as latter-day saints, cannot stand neutral in the moral arena. As Sister Barbara Thompson of the General Relief Society said this past conference, we need to mind “the gap between believing in Jesus Christ and being valiant in the testimony of Jesus Christ.”[11] Are we, as Elder Bednar admonished last Saturday, bearing our testimony and consistently living it? [12] “Who’s on the Lord’s side who? Now is the time to show.”

Luckily for us, if we choose to follow the restored gospel, the Lord is on our side. Yes we live in a perilous and wicked time, but as we stand together as brothers and sisters and with God, we are strengthened in our unity. Elder James J. Hamula Of the Seventy noted, “To ensure its ultimate success, the final restoration of God’s kingdom has been commenced with unprecedented spiritual power and is being sustained by that same spiritual power and something more. Reserved to come forth in these last days and labor for our Father and His Son are some of the most valiant and noble of our Father’s sons and daughters. Their valiance and nobility were demonstrated in the pre-earth struggle with Satan. There, “being left to choose good or evil,” they “[chose] good” and exhibited “exceedingly great faith” and “good works.” Such are the traits that are now needed to sustain the work of God in the earth and to save the souls of men from the intensifying wrath of the adversary.”[13]

Because of the restoration I know that there is a purpose to this life. I know that I have a Father in Heaven who loves me and has made it possible for me to overcome my weaknesses through the atonement of Jesus Christ. I know that the Book of Mormon is an inspired text that testifies of the divinity of Jesus Christ and contains the fullness of His gospel. I know that Christ restored His church through His Prophet Joseph Smith. The 15 men who succeeded Joseph as Presidents of the church, including our Prophet today, President Thomas S. Monson, are and were men of God. What they say we need to hear and do. The Kingdom of the Lord is on the earth today and will never be overthrown. I know that we will find comfort and peace in the gospel if we truly live it. In the name of Jesus Christ, amen.

[1] Daniel 2:2

[2] Daniel 2:31-33

[3] Daniel 2:34-35

[4] O.T. Institute manual

[5] Journal of Discourses, 18:337

[6] In Conference Report, Apr. 1976, p. 10

[7] Russell M. Nelson, “The Gathering of Scattered Israel,” Liahona, Nov 2006, 79–82

[8] Russell M. Nelson, “The Gathering of Scattered Israel,” Liahona, Nov 2006, 79–82

[9] Boyd K. Packer, “‘The Standard of Truth Has Been Erected’,” Liahona, Nov 2003, 24–27

[10] Boyd K. Packer, “The One Pure Defense” (address to CES religious educators, Feb. 6, 2004), 4 as quoted in James J. Hamula, “Winning the War against Evil,” Liahona, Nov 2008, 50–53

[11] http://lds.org/conference/talk/display/0,5232,23-1-1117-38,00.html

[12] http://lds.org/conference/talk/display/0,5232,23-1-1117-6,00.html

[13] James J. Hamula, “Winning the War against Evil,” Liahona, Nov 2008, 50–53

All you need is LOVE (all together now)

I love General Conference weekend. It's a whole lot of sitting-in-one-room-trying-to-entertain-a-two-year-old-while-simultaneously-listening, but it was worth it. I love that we can watch it from home even though they don't broadcast it here on TV or radio. Gotta love the internet.

My main goal was to listen for themes and remember talks to watch on my own. The theme that stuck out to me most was the great need for LOVE. Two talks that I revisited already are Elder Bednar's and President Uctdorff's from Saturday morning. There are a few more that I'll go back to: President Monson on Sunday morning about doing something good today and Elder Christofferson and Elder Cook in the afternoon.

So after rewatching Bednar and Uctdorff's talks here are my notes and thoughts:
Elder Bednar More diligent and concerned at home:

1. Tell people we love that we love them. “What we know is not always reflected in what we do…as disciples of the Savior we are not merely striving to know more. Rather, we need to consistently do more of what we know is right and become better.” Say it, mean it, and consistently show it. Express and demonstrate love. We will never regret kind words. “Our love for spouse, parents and children is reflected most powerfully in our thoughts, in our words, and our deeds. Such love nurtures and sustains faith in God.” It is the desire of every human.
2. Bear testimony and live it. It need not be lengthy or eloquent. Shouldn’t be restricted to fast Sunday. When was the last time you bore your testimony to your spouse or children or parents? “Bearing a heartfelt testimony is only a beginning. We need to bear it. We need to mean it. But most importantly we need consistently to live it. Create and look for opportunities to share our testimonies. Testimony generates light in a world of darkness.
3. Be consistent. Family prayer, scripture study and FHE. The consistency of "the little things" is perhaps the greatest lesson our children will learn. Each family prayer, episode of scripture study and FHE is an individual brush stroke that by itself may seem insignificant, but together creates a great masterpiece. Many of the savior’s harshest rebukes were directed at hypocrites. Express love and SHOW it. Bear testimony and LIVE it. And be consistent. Children are often the most alert and sensitive to your hypocrisy. It weakens the foundation of a great work. Thou shalt not bear false witness can mean to not be hypocritical. Be more faithful in learning, living, and loving the gospel of Christ.

My thoughts:
Love really needs to be at the center of everything I do, but most importantly, everything I do as a parent, including discipline. I need to not yell out of anger. Will my kids do things they shouldn't? Yes, but my response always needs to be motivated out of love for them and a desire for them to really understand how their behavior affects themselves and others.

Live my testimony! Very good reminder. It calls for me to scrutinize my day to day actions. How do I spend my time? What do I seek after? What unimportant things do I waste my time on and what important things am I leaving out? This reminds me of Sister Thompson's talk from RS conference last week. Bridge the gap between what we believe and how we live. I need to start building that bridge piece by piece. One step at a time.

We really need to be more consistent in our FHE. We read a scripture and pray as a family at bed time, but those could be improved upon also. Also, I need to find something in the way of discipline that we can agree on and be consistent. Kids are great at finding loopholes and inconsistencies and exploiting them.

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President Uchtdorf Becoming Disciples of Christ:
Of all the things we want to be known for, we want to be known as disciples of Christ.
How do we become true Disciples of Christ?

• "If you love me, keep my commandments." This is the essence of being a disciple of Christ.
  
• "Thou shalt love the Lord." This is the first great commandment. The Second is that we must "love our neighbors as ourselves". Because love is the great commandment it ought to be at the center of every thing we do in our families, church callings, and our work. Love is the healing balm that helps repair rifts in our personal and family relationships. It is the bond that unites families, communities, and nations. Love should be our walk and our talk. When we love God, obedience becomes a joy rather than a burden. His power and glory is not diminished when we do not love him. He doesn’t need us to love Him, but oh how we need to love God. What we love determines what we seek. What we seek determines what we think and do. What we think and do determines who we are and who we will become. We are God’s children. We have a vast capacity for love. It is our divine heritage. At the heart of joy you will find the love of good things.
  
• The greatest of all good things is God. We love Him because He first loved us. Regardless of our current state, there is hope for us. No matter our sorrow or mistakes, God desires we draw near to Him so He can draw near to us. How can we draw nearer to God? Search for Him. That’s more than offering a simple prayer or proclaiming that we love or know him. We must keep His commandments. We increase our love and demonstrate our love by aligning our thoughts and actions with Him. Don’t do it out of fear or obligation but out of an earnest desire to become more like Him and because of our love for Him.
  
• Don’t get discouraged if you stumble at times. The first step to walking in righteousness is simply to try. Choose to listen to the Father and DO the things he asks of us. Try and keep on trying till that which seems difficult becomes possible and that which seems only possible becomes a habit and part of you.
  
• Listen for his voice! As you study, as you attend the temple, in nature, in your daily interaction with others, in the words of a child…listen for his voice. If you listen, he will lead you on a course to become disciples and more holy. It will lead us out of darkness and into light.

My thoughts:
God is love. As we approach Him we will understand and feel His love more fully and we will be able to share that love more freely. As a parent I need to first learn God's doctrine, study my scriptures more diligently, pray more fervently, and then listen. (As a friend reminded me this week, Elder Boyd K. Packer said in another talk, "The study of the doctrines of the gospel will improve behavior quicker than a study of behavior will improve behavior.")

He will guide me and help me discern my kids' needs. I just have to have faith that He will help me. I am not on my own. I can study books about behavior and try and implement techniques and tricks, but I will be most successful as a parent if I have the holy ghost as a companion to guide and direct. The other things merely supplement. Changing my behavior (and more importantly my heart) may be hard. I may stumble and make mistakes, but as I try and keep on trying to become a better and calmer parent, the good things I do will eventually become habits that will then become a part of who I fundamentally am.